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A Thorny Situation Apr. 19, 2022

Lost in Suburbia

"Ow!" I exclaimed, clutching my leg. "I've been stabbed!" I looked down and saw my attacker, an inn... Read More

Sitting Duck Apr. 12, 2022

Lost in Suburbia

Husband: Honey, can you call the duct company? We need to get our ducts cleaned. Me: We have ducks?... Read More

...And Then the Dog Died Apr. 05, 2022

Lost in Suburbia

When my dad made his speech at my wedding 30 years ago, he said, "Life doesn't begin at 40. It begin... Read More

Indisposed Mar. 29, 2022

Lost in Suburbia

Usually, when someone goes to the dentist, they worry about things like cavities and gingivitis and ... Read More

I've Got You Under My Skin Mar. 22, 2022

Lost in Suburbia

When I'm in the mood to be traumatized, I usually just go bathing suit shopping. Jeans shopping runs... Read More

Losing by a Hair Mar. 08, 2022

Lost in Suburbia

I have very short and spiky hair. In order to maintain its shape, I need to get it cut every four we... Read More

A Problem of Micro Proportions Mar. 01, 2022

Lost in Suburbia

Usually when one of our appliances dies, we get some kind of warning. When the dishwasher went, it s... Read More

One Last Super Bowl Story Feb. 15, 2022

Lost in Suburbia

I have to admit I'm not the most savvy sports enthusiast. Fortunately, what I lack in knowledge, I m... Read More

The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Smell Feb. 08, 2022

Lost in Suburbia

It started with a smell. "Do you smell that?" I asked my husband who was working in what seemed to ... Read More

An Arresting Groundhog Day Feb. 01, 2022

Lost in Suburbia

"Mrs. Beckerman?" "Yes." "Mrs. Beckerman, I'm with the Groundhog Police." "Oh. How can I help you, O... Read More

The Doctor Is In Jan. 25, 2022

Lost in Suburbia

"Oh, no!" I exclaimed to my husband. "My giant yucca plant is sick." He glanced over from the couch.... Read More

I See the Light Jan. 18, 2022

Lost in Suburbia

My husband, apparently, is a superhero. For some reason, when he needs to fix something in the house... Read More

Keeping My Chin Up Jan. 11, 2022

Lost in Suburbia

Like many women of my (ahem) mature age, I get daily fashion emails from a website that is geared to... Read More

Let the Celebrations Begin Jan. 04, 2022

Lost in Suburbia

"Do you know what today is?" I asked my husband. "New Year's Day," he said definitively. "No, it's Z... Read More

You've Got Kale! Dec. 28, 2021

Lost in Suburbia

"We're going to eat more kale in 2022," I said to my husband. He looked at me morosely. "Why? What d... Read More

Have Yourself a Haunted Holiday Dec. 14, 2021

Lost in Suburbia

We have a haunted house. Well, I can't say that definitively because I've never met the ghost or gh... Read More

You Have To Be Thick Not To Get This Dec. 07, 2021

Lost in Suburbia

"How do you like the new tortilla chips?" I asked my husband as he chomped on a new tortilla chip wh... Read More

A Snood by Any Other Name Nov. 30, 2021

Lost in Suburbia

"What's a snood?" I asked my husband while I sat on the sofa perusing a new clothing catalog. "I don... Read More

No Can Do, Can You? Nov. 23, 2021

Lost in Suburbia

When it comes to Thanksgiving, there are two kinds of cranberry sauce people: the can people and the... Read More

All the Right Turkeys Nov. 16, 2021

Lost in Suburbia

Somehow or other, I managed to get to the age of 56 never having made a Thanksgiving turkey. I have ... Read More