"Do you know what today is?" I asked my husband.

"New Year's Day," he said definitively.

"No, it's Z Day."

"What is Z Day?"

"It's a celebration of everything that begins with the letter Z," I said.

"Well, that makes sense," he said.

"Why?"

"Because I have zero interest in this topic," he replied.

I scowled at him. He might not have been interested, but I was. I wondered, was there a chance I had missed other important, lesser holidays because of all the hoopla around the big ones? I thought I had better do some research to make sure I was well-informed before next December rolled around.

As it turned out, I had missed Clark Kent's Birthday on Dec. 1. Since he's a fictional character, I didn't feel that bad about it ... especially since Superman missed my birthday on Dec. 24. I felt even less concerned about missing "Magnum P.I." Day on Dec. 11, although I thought there should be a day celebrating Tom Selleck's mustache because that truly is a thing of wonder.

I was pretty dismayed that I missed Bathtub Party Day on Dec. 5. I'm always up for a good bathtub event, although the word "party" implies that there would be more people than just me, naked, in my bathtub. Fortunately, Dec. 5 is also Earmuff Appreciation Day, so if nothing else, at least I would be wearing earmuffs in the tub.

Dec. 8, it turns out, is the official Day of Lard. I think they got that one wrong. The Day of Lard should come the day after Thanksgiving. More importantly, though, Dec. 8 is also Toilet Paper Appreciation Day, which you would probably be very appreciative of after the Day of Lard. Regardless, Toilet Paper Appreciation Day is a holiday I can really get behind. Get it? Get behind? OK, I'll move on.

There are two holidays that share a day that make no sense. Dec. 12 is 12-Hour Fresh Breath Day. But it is also Eat a Raw Red Onion Day. I'm not sure how those two can possibly coexist. There is a National Fresh Breath Day on Aug. 26, as well. They should probably keep that one and do away with 12-Hour Fresh Breath Day, because after a day of eating raw red onions in December, it will probably take until August for your breath to be fresh again.

Dec. 15 is Cat Herders Day. I have never met a cat herder, nor do I know anyone who knows a cat herder, so I'm thinking that is not a wildly popular holiday. It is also Wear Your Pearls Day, which begs the question: Are you supposed to wear your pearls while you herd your cats? These are the things that keep me up at night.

Dec. 16 is National Chocolate-Covered Anything Day. As a chocolate lover, I thought this was good in theory. But I don't think I would want to eat chocolate-covered lard or chocolate-covered raw red onions. But that's just me. Cat herders may disagree.

Somehow, stunningly, I missed National Bacon Day on Dec. 30. I am a firm believer that everything is better with bacon. Naturally, I assume they mean bacon the food and not Kevin Bacon. Still, everything may be better with Kevin Bacon, too ... except, perhaps, Tom Selleck's mustache.

Tracy Beckerman is the author of the Amazon Bestseller, "Barking at the Moon: A Story of Life, Love, and Kibble," available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble online! You can visit her at www.tracybeckerman.com

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