"Did you know that you can burn FIVE THOUSAND calories a day shearing sheep?!" I exclaimed to my husband. "If I did that, I could eat anything I want."

He gave me the look he always gives me when I say something truly off-the-wall and he debates committing me to a psychiatric ward for a 24-hour hold.

"And how many sheep do you think you could keep in the apartment?" he said.

"They won't be my sheep," I said. "I would shear other people's sheep. And I'll get a sheep shearing shed."

It was, I understood, a crazy idea, mostly because I had never sheared a sheep in my life, and also because I didn't own sheep shears or have a sheep shearing shed. Still, I was pretty sure I'd be a good sheep shearer because I already knew how to cut my own bangs. As exciting as it sounded, though, I didn't really want to shear sheep. What I wanted was a way to burn a lot of calories, because what I really wanted was...

A doughnut.

"If I shear some sheep I can have a doughnut," I said to my husband.

"I have no idea how your mind works," he said. "It's actually kind of scary sometimes."

"Shearing sheep would counteract the points I would get if I ate a doughnut." I had started a weight loss program based on points. Doughnuts, I assumed, had way too many points to fit in my plan. That's where the sheep came in.

I pulled out my handy-dandy weight loss app to look up the actual number of points in a doughnut.

"WHAAAT?" I bellowed.

"WHAT?!" said my husband, looking alarmed.

"A doughnut is ELEVEN points," I exclaimed. "That's like half my points for the day." I calculated quickly in my head. "I would have to shear a whole shebang of sheep to have a doughnut."

I was bereft. Since it seemed unlikely that I would be shearing any sheep that day, I needed to find something else to satisfy that craving. I thought maybe just one doughnut hole would do the trick.

"WHAAAT?" I bellowed.

"WHAT?!" said my husband, looking alarmed.

"A doughnut hole is THREE points. Just one hole. Are you kidding me?" I'd still have to shear 1,000 sheep to work that off.

At this point, it seemed unlikely that I would be able to even have a doughnut hole. Then I realized that maybe it wasn't about the doughnut. Maybe I was just craving something sweet. I could have an apple because apples had zero points. But I knew in my moment of doughnut desperation that an apple just wasn't going to cut it. I thought for a moment about what else I could have that would be sweet and small and totally not on my plan but wouldn't blow a whole day of points.

"I bet I could have some M&Ms!" I said brightly. I quickly got out my weight loss app once again and looked it up.

"So, can you have some M&Ms?" said my husband, now completely vested in my sugar quest.

I shook my head sadly. "I can have an M."

Tracy Beckerman is the author of the Amazon Bestseller "Barking at the Moon: A Story of Life, Love, and Kibble," available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble online! You can visit her at www.tracybeckerman.com.

Photo credit: Myriams-Fotos at Pixabay