Dear Family Coach: My divorce is causing my 5-year-old son to act out at school. He isn't listening to the teacher and he laughs when he gets in trouble. He does this only on the nights he stays with his mother. We have taken everything away from him, including television, sweets and his stuffed animals, but nothing seems to work. On the days he behaves we do reward him. Any other suggestions? — Divorced Dad

Dear Divorced: Let me begin by saying that parents should never, I mean never , take away a child's stuffed animals as a punishment. Those are his guys, his family. They comfort him when no one is around. They are like real people to him. Taking them away doesn't work to curb behavior. It just makes children feel alone. No lesson learned.

Now, I think you are missing the issue here. I doubt your child is only acting out on the nights after he sleeps at his mother's house. Unless there is real maltreatment, it would be highly unusual for that to happen. My educated guess is that the divorce has been difficult for him. Imagine not only having your family ripped apart in a way you can't understand, but you now have to move houses every few days. This is a tough time for your son. Forget punishment — what he probably needs most is extra support.

I recommend counseling for him, (and you), and maybe working with a parent coordinator to help you deal with your ex to provide a cohesive parenting experience for your son. Give your son some time to adjust to his new reality and support, and his behaviors may eradicate.

Dear Family Coach: My 2-year-old son and 4-year-old daughter require a parent to help them fall asleep every night. We sing and shush and pat and beg. This can take more than an hour. Then at some point throughout the night, they slip into our bed. We are all exhausted and miserable from the constant shuffling. How do I get my children out of my bed and sleeping in their own bed for the entire night? — Exhausted Parents

Dear Exhausted: I love my kids. A lot. But come 9 o'clock at night I need to say night-night, leave their rooms and not see them again until the sun is up. I need that time to be alone with my husband, to do some reading or work on the computer or just to put my feet up to watch some Real Housewives (what can I say? I like reality TV). I need that time to recharge my batteries so I am my best self the next day and every day. You and your partner are missing out, and there is a higher price to pay than just exhaustion. Plus, your kids will be chronically sleep deprived, too, if you don't make a change.

The key to your children staying asleep all night in their own rooms is for you to have them fall asleep alone, as in without your prodding. Start by setting a date after which you will no longer allow the children to sleep in your bed. On that first night do your normal bedtime routine and then say goodnight and leave the room. Each time a child comes out of the room just say nothing but put him/her back in bed. If you stay very consistent your children will eventually learn that there is nothing they can do or say that will make you change your mind about where they sleep. They may cry or protest the new rules. Stay firm. This is just a tantrum because your little darlings would rather sleep with you.

Sleep issues that begin in childhood but remain unresolved tend to persist into adulthood. Remember that having good sleep hygiene allows everyone in the family to benefit. Once the children are in their own beds and asleep on their own, you will discover all that you lost during the exhaustion.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at questions@thefamilycoach.com. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Shannon McGee