Dear Family Coach: My daughter is 15. She's been dating a boy in school, and I met him once and he seemed fine. Then, two days ago, she came home from a movie with a hickey on her neck. I freaked out, but I'm not sure what to do. Can I punish her, or prevent her from seeing this boy again? It's just really inappropriate and embarrassing. — Furious Dad

Dear Furious: You need to slow your roll a bit. Yes, getting a hickey is a big deal. And yes, in the adult world it is inappropriate and quite embarrassing. But in the schoolyard it is almost a rite of passage. Condemning your daughter for it will only push her more underground with her relationship. Trust me, that is not where you want her relationship to be.

Instead of punishing her, talk to your daughter about your concerns. Don't lecture or raise your voice. Are you worried that she will advance sexually with her boyfriend? Are you embarrassed about what the extended family will think in church on Sunday? Figure out what your main issue is with the boyfriend (and the dreaded hickey), and discuss only that with her. Focus, too, on letting her know what a good boyfriend does: he finds interesting places to go, is kind to you, has your back, and doesn't take advantage.

It'd be a good idea to invite the boy over for Sunday dinner a few times. Make him comfortable at your house so they spend more time there and less time out. Oh, and if you haven't had the talk yet, have it. Now!

Dear Family Coach: My five-year-old daughter has become a little liar. She lies about stupid stuff, like what she had for lunch. She also lies about important stuff. She recently lied about completing her homework. How should I handle this? — Lied to Mom

Dear Mom: You should understand that your daughter is a developing into a little human. She is a work in progress. So she has yet to figure out the consequences of lying. Toss in her developing imagination and she is almost primed for lying.

Children lie for a variety of reasons. They lie to avoid trouble or to get out of doing a chore, like brushing teeth. Sometimes they do it just because it is fun to pretend. The distinction between outright lying and make-believe lying is fairly imperceptible to a child. This is especially true when parents consistently encourage fantasy play.

When dealing with a fibber, pick your battles. If you point out every inconsequential lie, you will dilute the message of why lying at times is wrong. The next time your daughter lies about something important, encourage her to fess up. Show her that you understand people make mistakes, but the more important step is to come clean. If she is able to be honest, praise her effort. Minimize the consequence for the lie.

If your daughter continues to lie, and you are sure she is lying, proceed with a minor punishment. Stress to her that lying can hurt people's feelings, make someone worry or cause someone to overlook an important issue. It might also be a good time to buy a copy of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf." This lying is probably just a phase, so don't worry about it too much. In time it will pass.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at questions@thefamilycoach.com. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.