Dear Family Coach: My daughter was invited to a classmate's birthday party, and she responded that she would attend. But a week later she found out her very best friend is having a party the same day. Now she wants to go to her best friend's party instead. I told her she had to go to the first party. Now she is really angry and I'm sort of wavering. Did I do the right thing? —Trying to Do The Right Thing Mom

Dear Trying: I applaud you for trying to have your daughter honor her engagements. Now that you are feeling a bit uncertain, I suggest you think back to why you thought it important for your daughter to go to the first child's party. You probably believed that it would be uncool at best, and mean at worst, for your daughter to commit to one party, then back out because a better offer came along. You might have put yourself in the shoes of the girl who would get that call that her friend couldn't come because a better friend was also having a party. And you may have taken it a step further by imagining the intense sadness this girl would feel when perhaps other girls started to back out to attend a more popular girl's party. How painful!

Stick with your instincts. While it is unfortunate that your daughter will have to miss her BFF's party, she can celebrate with her best friend another time. There are lessons to be learned here. Your daughter will learn the honor of sticking by her word. She will be forced to recognize that her decisions affect other people. And the BFF will learn that if you want to ensure there are friends are your party, get your invitation out early. You did the right thing, now stay strong.

Dear Family Coach: I was in the playground the other day when I witnessed a mom being aggressive to her son. She used a harsh tone and grabbed him a little too roughly. He wasn't abused but I felt badly for him. I said nothing at the time because I was afraid the mom would take it wrongly. But I couldn't get that moment out of my mind. Should I have done something to help this boy? —Heartsick

Dear Heartsick: Yes, you should have done something. But I'm pretty sure what I am going to recommend wasn't what you had in mind. If you saw no sign of the boy being abused physically, emotionally or verbally then the intervention should have been more focused on the mom.

If we are honest as parents we have all been the mom you saw in the park, stressed and at the end of our ropes. Maybe her house was in the process of foreclosure, and her husband abandoned the family. Maybe her mother is dying in a country far away, and she is barely able to get out of bed. Or she could just be having a bad day. Whatever the reason, she could probably use a kind word or an olive branch.

Too often we sit on the sidelines and judge when we should be reaching out to help. You could have asked the mom if her son wanted to share a snack with your son. You might have asked if she wanted you to push her son on the swing for a few minutes. Or you simply might have just asked if she was all right. These kind gestures would have disarmed this mom in an instant helping not only her but also her son. Next time, extend yourself genuinely and your efforts will be well received.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at questions@thefamilycoach.com. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.