Dear Family Coach: My son is 13, and we have always done Halloween as a family. This year he wants to trick-or-treat with his friends. We live in very safe area so I'm not worried about anything bad happening. But I am heartbroken we won't be celebrating as a family. Should he be with his friends or should I have him stay with the family? — Almost Empty-Nester

Dear Empty-Nester: I truly feel your pain. Halloween is one of those special days that's equally enjoyable for parents and children. Mom and Dad gush seeing their children dressed up as Olaf or the Wicked Witch of the West. They share the excitement and joy of each doorbell ring. And they relish secretly eating all of the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups when the kids sleep that night (um — not that I'd ever do such a thing). Similarly, children can't wait to put on their costumes. They run back from each encounter to show their parents their loot. It is just one big happiness fest.

It's no wonder the idea of giving this up is depressing. When babies are up all night with colic or teething, parents wish their kids would grow out of it. If only their children were older they could travel more or eat in restaurants or go bowling with the neighbors. Oh how great it would be if they didn't need to get a sitter every time they wanted to get out.

Over time the longing for the little ones to grow up a bit comes to a screeching halt. Sensing their days of having kids at home is coming to an end parents want to rewind the clock. But they can't. And that hurts.

Unfortunately, your son is starting to find his own way in the world. His friends are important, and the idea of Halloween with some independence is exciting. It isn't that you aren't fun to be with. It is that you aren't his friends. So see his defection as an age-appropriate segue to adulthood. Try to enjoy helping him pick out his costume or get ready that night. Let him go, but be there when he comes home. Take some time to debrief at the end of the night.

Oh, and make sure to still steal his candy while he sleeps.

Dear Family Coach: All my 8-year-old child will wear to school are sports jerseys and basketball shorts. I cannot stand these outfits and think they make him look unintelligent. But he fights me if I try to dress him differently. How can I help him understand that what he chooses to wear matters? — Preppy Mom

Dear Preppy: Sorry, but I don't have your back on this one. Yes, society does judge a book by its cover. But we shouldn't. Telling your young son that his clothes make him look stupid is a surefire way to teach him to judge others by appearances.

It can be a bummer when children decide they want to have their own flair. You were able to impose yours for the first few years, and now that time has passed. Instead of shaming your son into submission, try the opposite approach. Let him wear what he likes. Help him shop and focus on fit rather than style. If there is a specific event where his attire may not be appropriate (say, church or a wedding), then by all means teach him what is appropriate. But leave his IQ out of it.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at questions@thefamilycoach.com. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.