Dear Family Coach: My 11-year-old daughter has her heart set on a certain costume for Halloween. The problem is that my wife and I feel that it is inappropriate for a girl her age. It is low cut, very short and a little sexy. We don't want to allow her to wear the costume, and she is very upset. Are we overreacting? — Protective Dad

Dear Protective: There comes a time in every child's life when they tire of the cute pumpkin costumes. Gone are the days of adorable Crayola crayons or the furry teddy bear. Sigh. At some point kids want to choose what to be for Halloween. But the problem is that their ideas of what is appropriate may not jive with your ideas.

Some costumes should unequivocally be out of the question (prostitute, sexy maid, AIDS patient). No one should ever wear black face, even if it's to look like an adored superstar. And donning several toy guns and a bomb to portray a suicidal shooter is never acceptable. Baring those ideas, you may have some wiggle room with your daughter's costume.

Many costumes can be amended to be less revealing. Your daughter could wear leggings and an undershirt to cover up a bit more. If you are a little crafty you could sew additional panels or close up a few holes. To avoid figure-hugging getups buy a size bigger. When your daughter predictably complains, let her know why it is important to you that she not wear something unsuitable. Force her to bring attention to herself for other attributes until she is old enough to deal with potential unwanted advances.

Dear Family Coach: My two boys love trick-or-treating. Now that my oldest is 16, we allow him a longer time to be out with friends. The problem is that my 10-year-old says it is unfair. He can't get over the idea that his brother receives more time out and more candy. His frustration is ruining his Halloween. If we tell the older one to come in early he will say it is unfair. How do we resolve this so everyone can have a good time? — In the Middle Mom

Dear In the Middle: There are two issues here. One is that your younger son wants more candy. That problem is easy to solve — wait until everyone falls asleep and eat it all.

Kidding ... kidding (sort of). Put all the candy in a family bin at the end of the night. Give each child 10 candy saves so that they can pull out their absolute favorites. All other sweets wind up in the family pot.

The other, more difficult, problem to solve is that the younger child can never do what the older one can. He isn't as good in basketball and he can't solve complex math equations. He isn't as tall and he can't drive. It's maddening to watch your brother get opportunities that you also want but aren't old enough for yet. Let your 10-year-old know that you understand why he is hurting and frustrated. He will get his turn to be the big kid in time. For now, encourage him not to waste away a fun evening because of jealousy. It won't get him more opportunities and it will take away the opportunity he has in front of him. Stop entertaining the discussion after empathizing and move on.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at questions@thefamilycoach.com. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.