Dear Family Coach: My 3-year-old will not sit on the potty. He squats and hides in the corner so I know he has to go. But when I ask him if he needs the restroom he denies it. I am worried that he will still be in diapers by the time he needs to start preschool. This is really stressing me out. What can I do to get him to go? — Untrained's Mom

Dear Mom: Take a deep breath. Your child will not be held back in life because he isn't potty trained yet. Society puts so much pressure on parents to get children trained by age 3, and for no good reason. In increasingly larger numbers, children are responding negatively to the pressure.

Toddlers can control very little in their world, but they aspire to with great passion. They can't decide where to go or what to eat. They can't refuse to be put in the crib for a nap, and they can't buy themselves a pack of gum at the A&P. Frustrated children strive to find some way they can deviate from the prescribed plan.

Here's where the battle of wills begins. Mom says, "Sit on the toilet and go." Child says, "No!" Mom says, "Please." Child stays the course with a resolute "No." Mom bribes and pleads to no avail. The light bulb over the child's head appears as it occurs to him that mom cannot make him go. The more Mom pushes the more the child resists.

The best thing to do: Take a step back. Take a relaxed approach and forget about preschool. Continue to encourage your son to sit on the toilet even if nothing happens. Reward him a little for sitting and a lot for going. No punishment should be given if he chooses not to use the bathroom. If you eliminate the battle your son might decide he is ready for big boy underwear.

Dear Family Coach: A close family relative is nearing the end of his life. My wife and I aren't sure if it would be appropriate to bring our 7-year-old daughter to the small graveside service. What do you think? — Grieving Parents

Dear Grieving: Death is a part of life. A terribly sad part — but an unavoidable part nonetheless. Parents sometimes shield children from death and the accompanying pain, because they don't want to upset their little ones. Mom is afraid her young daughter will be afraid of her sobbing, so she hides it. Dad doesn't want to look like a crybaby so he keeps a stiff upper lip. Grandma is concerned that a child will be a distraction so she asks the parent to get a babysitter for the funeral.

All of these reactions only reinforce the idea that death is scary, and that sadness should be hidden. Children who are not exposed to death can grow up very fearful. Additionally, they may not learn how to respond to a friend whose father died or what to do to prepare for a family member's death.

It is much better to teach her about your family rituals when one dies. Explain what is appropriate at the funeral or service. Talk about death and what it means using simple terms and concepts. Let your daughter ask questions. Tell her about the person who passed; about his life and accomplishments and all he was able to do and see. If you feel sad, allow your daughter to see that so she knows it is OK to be sad when someone dies. Children can also bring comfort to grieving relatives and can be a welcome reminder that life goes on.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at questions@thefamilycoach.com. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.