Dear Family Coach: My firstborn son is about to graduate high school and head off to college on a scholarship. We have always been so close, and although I knew this day was coming, I am inconsolably sad. I feel myself pulling away because I can't stand the idea of losing him. Do you have any tips on how to shake this horrible feeling and still be a mom without overdoing the care packages and text messages? — Clueless

Dear Clueless: You aren't losing your son. He is just growing up. That's not the same thing. While he may be moving out, you can still secure a close relationship with him, maybe one that is even deeper and on a more grown-up level.

It is normal to feel devastated that your boy is going to be out of the house. It may take time for you to get used to that fact. However, you want to get a hold of yourself so you don't smother him or push him further away. Allow yourself some time to mourn the end of his childhood. Look through photo albums and old movies, if you like. Shed some tears. But after some brief wallowing, put it all away. Focus your energy on developing a new adult relationship with your now-adult child.

Talk to your son about ways you will be able to stay in touch when he is at college. Try to arrange at least a weekly call to catch up on his life at school. But respect his space if he only calls sporadically. Ask him to send pictures and texts, too, so you can keep up. And invite his friends to stay for holidays and vacations. Care packages are also always welcome.

Once he is gone, find other ways to fill the void. Take up a hobby, or follow through on some personal goals. Adopt a pet, or offer to babysit a neighbor's baby. The pain will ease.

Dear Family Coach: Our very shy 6-year-old boy suffers from low self-esteem. When meeting new people, he offers little eye contact, speaks in whispers and has a general unwillingness to interact. Often, he will say he's stupid and engage in other negative self-talk. Recently, at a school assembly, he insisted on having the teacher speak for him. What guidance can you provide on how we can help our son build his self-confidence for day-to-day activities and bigger tests? — Heartbroken Parents

Dear Heartbroken: It's painful to watch your son struggle socially and hear his lack of confidence so blatantly in his voice. But you can help him overcome some of his social anxiety and improve his confidence.

I highly recommend finding a social-skills group to help him practice social interactions while getting consistent feedback. These groups teach kids tools in a social setting. His confidence may improve once he has tools and can successfully use them when he meets new people. Another way to foster confidence is to build on skills he has mastered. Find out what he loves to do and build from there. Also, help him learn to do tasks around the house independently, so he can grow pride in his small abilities.

Lastly, make it clear that you don't want to change him and that learning from mistakes is better than perfection. Show him with words and actions that you accept him just the way he is. If those closest people to him accept him, he will be more likely to accept himself.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at questions@thefamilycoach.com. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.