Today's column dares to ask: Can a man be a slut?
Jake dares to answer.
"Yes," he says. "I was."
Jake is now in his 40s and in a "fantastic relationship with a great woman." He says, "I told her she wouldn't have liked me when I was younger. I don't like the younger me. I was a male slut."
Jake went away to college determined to be faithful to his high school girlfriend. And he was, right up until he learned that she was cheating on him in a very public way.
"When I found out, I cut loose."
Jake says his campus was "a veritable Sodom and Gomorrah," so cutting loose was easy to do.
"I lived on an all-guys floor in my dorm and believe me, I wasn't close to the worst. Still, by today's standards, I was a player who wasn't looking for Ms. Right, but rather Ms Right Now and Probably Next Weekend or Maybe Not if I meet Someone Else."
Jake says his slutting around wasn't an attempt to get back at his girlfriend.
"I told myself I was doing what I should have done when I first went away to school — dating and sleeping with whomever I wanted instead of being faithful. But I did have a somewhat devil-may-care attitude as to whether or not the girls had boyfriends back home which I'm sure was out of spite over my girlfriend cheating on me."
By the time Jake was out of college and into his 20s, he was already starting to "wind down the dating merry-go-round." Then something happened that changed his outlook entirely and made him take life more seriously.
"My mom got cancer when I was 28 and died when I was 31. It made me realize my own mortality and that it was time to grow up."
Jake says he did get "one benefit" out of his slutty behavior. "I learned a little bit from everyone I dated. I learned from one that the woman I finally settled on needed to be intelligent. From another that I would like one who would be a good mom. From another that while I like an attractive woman, a sense of humor is critical.
"Oh, and there was one other benefit. I learned that there's zero reason to cheat when you have something great. First of all, I know what it feels to be cheated on and second, all my wild oats have been sown. So now I'm completely content to settle down. I never get the itch to stray or try something new."
Jake met his girlfriend four years ago. He says they're both "pretty well adjusted adults." She's divorced, and he was a lifelong bachelor till he met her. They've talked about their pasts but not in great detail. He says: "We both recognize that people mature and conduct themselves differently as life teaches them lessons through experience. She may say, 'I dated this guy who was a lawyer,' but I don't press her for details."
They're planning on marrying and committed to each other. "At this point it's simply a matter of getting some things sorted out."
Did you sow your oats? Are you glad or do you regret it? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not."
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