Dear Cheryl: I started dating Bill, a co-worker, 10 years ago. He was going through a divorce. His wife had nearly bankrupted them with her gambling. They had to sell their house to pay off a $60,000 home equity line of credit and $40,000 of credit card debt. He had to pay her $1,000 monthly maintenance for 10 years and give her $100,000 from his retirement accounts. They had no children together, and she worked as a hairdresser before, during and after the marriage. He moved back home to live with his mother.

For the first nine years of our relationship, everything seemed OK. I was laid off but got another job that paid $40,000 a year, 30 percent less than I had been making. Bill's income soared. There were several years that he made in excess of $100,000.

He would stay at my house every weekend. When he worked, I cooked dinner and packed him lunches. He took me out to eat on Saturday nights and Sunday afternoons.

When we went on vacation. I paid my own way. He never helped me with any bills. If he did loan me money, he expected to be paid back in full. If he bought anything for me (like medicine), he expected to be paid back in full. Meanwhile, I bought him his special coffee, special soap for his sensitive skin, his favorite Pepperidge Farm Milano cookies. Whenever we went out, we took my car. He never put gas in it.

He retired last year with over a million dollars and started staying at my house all the time. He did not give me any money for the household budget. I had surgery in September and wasn't allowed to drive, so he picked up a couple of items for lunch. When he returned, he handed me the grocery receipt and said, "Here's your half of the bill."

Meanwhile, we rarely went out to eat anymore. When never made love, unless I instigated it. When I stopped instigating it, we stopped making love.

During one of our frequent arguments, I reminded him that he was the beneficiary on my 401(k) and life insurance. I asked him whether he had made any provisions for me. He had not. I changed the beneficiaries to my parents.

I finally gave him an ultimatum: Start paying half of the bills, or go home. So he went home.

Our relationship has been in the pits ever since. He refuses to marry me. Where does that leave the relationship? — Deep Pockets

Dear Deep Pockets: And you want to marry him why?

Because you think after 10 years of using you like an ATM machine, he's going to change?

You have a choice. You can either waste more precious years on this turd of a human being or cut your losses.

I really hope you tell him to take his Milano cookies, special coffee and sensitive-skin soap and do you-know-what with them.

No man with any character would have treated you the way he has for one day, let alone 10 years. You will be so much better off without this drain on your wallet and your emotions.

Got a problem? Send it to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not.