Today, readers respond to Chuck, who resents being saddled with an overweight wife.

JESSIE: I bet you look exactly like you did 15 years ago. You're not carrying any extra weight, your hair is the same and you've got no wrinkles — no damage from time. Believe me, you are no longer the same person your wife married, either.

I have struggled with my weight since my husband and I started dating 20 years ago. I was a fit 120 pounds then and about 150 pounds when we got married five years later. I now weigh over 200 pounds.

During the in-between years, I went from having an active job to having a desk job. I work more hours and longer hours, so it's hard to make time to get to the gym. I quit smoking and gained 20 pounds. I had two kids and gained weight from that. Now, with two kids, a household to run, a full-time job and very little me time, I rarely have time to get to the gym. Luckily, my husband loves me and not my body, so our sex life still sizzles, and he's willing to take the kids so I can get to the gym or attend a Weight Watchers meeting.

Your wife, however, has little incentive to do anything about her weight. She doesn't have your unconditional support. I bet you're not willing to give up your favorite foods so they're tempting. I also bet you're not picking up chores around the house so she can make time for the gym. You sound like an ass, frankly. And since your wife knows that you're only attracted to certain body types and not to her as a person, why should she lose the weight? It will only confirm that you're not in love with her, but what you think she should be.

CRISSIE: Fat is a funny thing. If people are fat and don't have actual medical problems, I consider their behavior more than their weight. Are they reaching for ice cream and cookies, or are they making wise food choices? Are they exercising regularly to the best of their ability, or are they sitting on their ever-widening butts?

Are they making it a priority to live long, happy, healthy lives, or are they using food as a last source of pleasure because they can't exercise, have sex, travel, dance, play with their kids and grandkids and live otherwise robust lives?

Health doesn't just happen as we grow older. I wouldn't date or marry a person who was irresponsible about money, nor would I choose a person who's irresponsible about his health, and that includes his weight.

Chuck needs to find out whether his wife values the idea of a long, happy, healthy future with him as much as he does with her and whether she'll take steps to address her health, otherwise their marriage is in serious trouble. Maybe he can find out why she's unhappy and has let herself go. Maybe he has a role in that unhappiness and can work on change.

If, despite his attempts, the situation is still the same after a few months, well, he's got to decide what's more important: his integrity (those vows he took) or his vision of a happy future (not dragging around a sedentary, ice-cream-filled woman for the rest of his life). Only he can answer that.

Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my e-book, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."