We recently heard from Sienna, who told Jason, her boyfriend, that she had had an affair with a married man. And to make it worse, the affair started while she was married to her ex-husband. It lasted for three years before she finally called it off.

A year after she ended the affair, she met Jason. She didn't want to tell him about the affair because she didn't want him to think she was "dumb or a slut." But after he had confessed something embarrassing about himself, she came clean. There were repercussions.

Sienna says: "He was pretty cool about it, but every so often, he would ask me if I would ever cheat on him if we got married since I had done it before. He also would make small jokes from time to time, saying 'How could you seriously love a married man?' And once in awhile, when he would drink a little too much, he would ask me what would happen if the married guy actually left his wife and wanted me back.

"We married and after a few years, he stopped talking about it entirely. But I do believe it made him insecure in the beginning of our relationship."

Which brings up the question: Why bother to confess?

KYLE: What's with all of this "Should I tell him, or shouldn't I tell him?" Why all the angst? Whatever happened to just keeping your big mouth shut? Stuff like this only becomes a problem when people decide they want to make it a problem by blabbing about it when it has no relation whatsoever to their current relationship.

RACHEL: When I was 16, I had a baby out of wedlock. The father was a classmate. On the advice of my parents and his and my clergyman, I agreed to give the baby up for adoption.

Fast-forward 12 years. I was dating a wonderful man. We had so much in common — values, goals, religion, hopes, dreams, etc. We were getting serious, and I felt I needed to tell him about the baby.

Biggest mistake of my life. He told me he could have accepted a child of mine as his own and would have adopted it. He said he could have understood if I had had an abortion but he could never be with anyone who could coldbloodedly give up her own child. He broke up with me, and I've been heartbroken ever since.

I kick myself every day for being so stupid as to confide something so personal without knowing what his response was going to be. I should have felt him out on the subject of adoption before springing it on him.

ARIELLE: What I can't understand is this compulsion so many have to air all of the dirty laundry in the name of transparence and honesty, no matter what the cost. Unless whatever you did keeps happening and is therefore part of the present, it's in the past and it should stay there.

We've all done things we're not proud of, and people are allowed to mature and change. A significant other is not a confessor. There are things about which the "don't ask; don't tell" policy is the wisest course.

Is honesty always the best policy in relationships? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my ebooks, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not."