It was eight years ago that Carly wrote in about her problem with Brian. They'd been together for several years when she cheated on him. She was angry because he refused to discuss marriage. Five months later, he found out. He was furious, but he forgave her ... sort of. He moved to Florida and still called Carly every day but started an affair with another woman.

Carly and her kids moved to Florida to live with him. When she found out about the affair, she had a "mini-nervous breakdown." But they were trying to work things out.

Carly wrote: "I need this man in my life. Why? I know I started the cheating, but when confronted, I admitted it. I do love him and he's been in my life forever. My kids love him. I'm so confused. What do I do?"

I responded: "I'm going to ignore almost everything you've written and focus on two things: You've moved your kids from New York to Florida and they love Brian. It's time to make your kids your priority, not your libido. You and Brian obviously have a connection, however twisted. This is what you have to build on."

Now, Carly is back with an update.

She says: "The last eight years have been good. There've been ups and downs but all in all I can't complain. Brian and I have a lot in common and he's my best friend.

"Brian had very doting parents who did not do right by him, meaning he was allowed to live in their house, not work and not pay any bills. This caused Brian to take longer to mature and get his life together. I've always wanted to have a child with Brian. I still do, believe it or not. I adore children and he would be an incredible father. I raised both my sons on my own (my husband left me for a man) and I've always wanted to feel a bond with a man I had children with.

"Brian has finally gotten his act together and is no longer clinging to his mom's apron strings. His dad died a year ago. He thinks he's ready for children and I am, too. I'm 48 and he's 38. I would still try to have one, but he feels the risk of something being wrong with the baby is too high. I have told him over and over again that I would never want to deprive him of the unbelievable pleasure of having a child, so if that's what he wants and needs in his life — and doesn't want to at least try with me — then he needs to see who else is out there. But he just won't leave.

"I've told him numerous times that he can't blame me or resent me. He claims he absolutely does not, but sometimes I feel he does.

"Marriage is yet another issue. Brian feels there's no reason to be married if you're not having children. He says it's just a piece of paper and we've been together longer than some married people. I say if it's just a piece of paper than why not do it? Being married again is important to me."

Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not."