Today's column is about whether people can change — if they can learn from their mistakes or are bound to keep repeating them.

We recently heard from Tricia, who was involved with three losers. She got pregnant "by a loser" when she was 22. When she was 25, she married a man who was a "good provider" and treated her son like his own. But, two years later, he turned into a couch potato who wasn't interested in sex or showering. Then she had an affair with a married man. She left her husband, but he wouldn't leave his wife.

She's now 30, and she has been with her boyfriend for a year. But she's scared he'll turn out to be Loser No. 4. She says: "I'm worried for me and also for my son. He's been part of my relationships, except for the married man whom he never met."

I told her she wasn't the person she was when she was 22, or 25, or 27. "The fact that you're questioning your judgment proves that," I said. I suggested she draw four columns, one for each of the four men, and list both the red flags she ignored and their relationship-destroying traits. I also suggested she and her boyfriend go to counseling before they marry.

Then, Chuck wrote saying she didn't need four columns; she needed just one — for her! He said she was the real loser: "The bad decisions she made — like marrying a man to be her meal ticket — had nothing to do with those three men. They had everything to do with her. The relationship she's in now will eventually end as poorly as the others and then she'll again look outward for the cause."

Tricia is back. And she says, "Although most people would get very defensive, I do agree with CHUCK on some points. I do believe that I have issues and am nowhere near perfect.

"However, I must defend myself. I wasn't looking for a meal ticket. I'm very successful in my career. I'm not going to say that money is not important, but it was never a problem for me, even at that young age.

"I believe I loved #2 at the time, and what I meant by 'good provider' was he was responsible. I should have been clearer.

"As for the married man, I'm not looking for sympathy. I did a very stupid thing and I would never do it again. CHUCK is pegging me as some dumb girl but I guarantee if he met me, he'd think otherwise.

"Did it ever occur to CHUCK that people change over time? Men get so comfortable that they forget why they're in a relationship to begin with. All of the dating manners and attention disappear and they turn into jerks who watch television every chance they get. I have very successful friends who have experienced the same thing.

"CHUCK shouldn't be so quick to peg me as the one with all of the problems."

Another reader made an interesting point about Tricia's son.

YALE: Tricia shouldn't even be dating, much less thinking about getting married, until her 8-year-old son is near adulthood. She's acting like a tramp. The fact that she has been with another man for a year is proof of that. How many times is she going to break her son's heart by letting more losers into his life?

Have you changed? Or do you keep making the same mistakes? Send your tale, along with your questions and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not."