To Marry or Not to Marry? That Is the Question

With half of marriages ending in divorce, can we still call it a "sacred bond"? Or is it "just a piece of paper"? Is living together a way to test a relationship? Or a way to avoid responsibilities?

Harper: The biggest mistake young women have been making since the advent of feminism is living with a man before marrying him. In many cases the man drags his feet on the subject of marriage and refuses to propose. It's the old saw about why buy the cow when the milk is free.

In the meantime, the poor woman's biological clock is ticking away, and if she can finally persuade the selfish guy to marry her, it may be too late for her to conceive. It could take thousands of dollars and indescribable pain for the woman to get pregnant and even then it might not work.

What has feminism given the hapless female? The ability to pay half the check on a dinner date, the right to stand on the bus while men are sitting, the privilege to pop the question and get turned down, the destiny to stay unmarried for life and to never know the joy of having a baby or the security and respectability that come from having a husband.

Yale: I get very upset when people say something along the lines of, "No one has to get married anymore. There's no stigma around living together and having children without marriage."

An army of educated professionals such as sociologists, psychiatrists, social workers, law enforcement agents, prison officials, AIDS workers and ministers would beg to differ.

A high percentage of male children of single parents, lacking a father figure, turn to gangs for male structure, leading to a life of drugs and crime. Teens having babies is the primary cause of poverty. The responsibility of raising these children is left to an overwhelmed social services system that was put in place for real needs, not the products of a casual-sex lifestyle. The illegitimate birth rate in Detroit is 82 percent, a statistic that a majority of Americans find appalling.

Any you think there's "no stigma" attached to this? Get real.

Connor: There are couples who live together who are every bit as committed to raising their children together as any married couple. To lump them in with low-lifes who breed and leave is grossly unfair.

Amy: That "little piece of paper" is anything but meaningless. It's a legally binding contract. It's an easy contract to make, but a hard one to break. And that's a good thing.

If a couple is just living together, it's too easy to split if they have a fight. All one of them has to do is find a new place to live, pack up his or her stuff, call the mover and the relationship is over. It's like it never happened.

Married couples don't have that luxury. If they want to split up, it's going to cost them time and money. The lawyers and the state are going to get involved. That's a huge incentive for couples to work out their problems.

Did you live with someone? Did it lead to marriage? Did it strengthen the relationship or ruin it? Send your tale, along with your questions and problems to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my new ebook, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."

To find out more about Cheryl Lavin, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.