If today's column proves one thing, it's that you can be a clear-eyed realist at 18 and a starry-eyed optimist at 36. All of which proves: There's no right time to marry...
NANCY: When I first married, I was 36 and Ted was a very serious 29-year-old. We'd met three years earlier in a neighborhood bar that I'd been going to for a long time. We pretty much hit it off right away. I left that night, figuring I'd see him there soon, but I actually didn't see him for a couple of months.
When I did see him again, he remembered me and my name, but I couldn't remember his, which should have been a sign because I'm really good at remembering names.
To make a long story short, he ended up moving into my apartment when his lease was up. We lived together for three years before we got engaged. There were so many signs that this marriage should never have happened, but I ignored them.
Here are some examples of those signs: He wasn't an animal lover. He wasn't a Cubs, Sox or Bears fan since he was from St. Louis. I thought these things would magically change. Ha-ha-ha. I'm not quite sure what planet I was on, thinking that. Of course there were some more serious things that happened during the course of our marriage, which lasted almost 14 years.
One important thing I realized too late was that if drinking and partying are pretty much the only things you have in common, the relationship will never last. Cheryl, I know all your readers are going, "Duh? No kidding." Sadly it took me a long time to realize that.
I've now been married for almost seven years to a wonderful guy I met online. He's truly my soulmate, and we have so much in common it's amazing. They always say opposites attract, but not in my case. I've never been happier, for which I will forever be thankful and will forever feel blessed."
DENA: We married at 19 and we'll be celebrating our 30th anniversary this year. While my husband may not be perfect, I have no illusions that anyone out there is. By ditching him and hooking up with someone else, I may get rid of some annoyances, but new ones would surely take their place.
Perhaps my life would have been a bit better if I hadn't married him, but more than likely, it would have been far worse. Since we had already been dating a couple of years, I don't think continuing the pattern of dating and then marrying later would have made any difference. We have three fantastic kids who wouldn't be here if we hadn't married when we did.
My steadfast rules throughout the marriage have been if he ever cheated on me or hit me, it would be over. Anything other than that could be worked out. Realistic expectations are definitely the key. Save the romantic idealism for daydreams.
Is there a right age for marriage? Send your thoughts, along with your questions and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my ebooks, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not.
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