Rosemary's tale is for anyone who's thinking of giving their partner an ultimatum.

ROSEMARY: I gave a "marry me, or else" ultimatum to my boyfriend. We were young and not looking for marriage when we started dating. But after two years, I wanted to know where our relationship was heading. He was perfectly content with things the way they were: exclusive but no real commitment. He wasn't about to ruin things by telling me outright that he didn't want to marry me.

Instead, he gave me the typical responses — "Why do we have to put a label on our relationship?" and "We don't need a piece of paper to prove our love?" And an original one — "Why do girls in the Midwest want to get married so young?" (He was a former New Yorker and claimed that women from New York City didn't want to marry until their 30s.)

I didn't really listen to what he was saying. By giving all those excuses instead of talking about what was and wasn't working, he was telling me he didn't want to get married. Sure, it would have been great if he'd been more direct, but he was happy with the status quo and not about to say something that would result in our break-up.

So I spent the next three years allowing myself to be strung along by a guy who had no intention of marrying me.

Then I gave him another ultimatum. He asked for six months to give me an answer. I agreed, but I realized that after five years of dating, if he needed six more months to figure it out, he didn't want to marry me. And he either couldn't tell me or didn't want to. I also felt that I shouldn't have to give a guy a marriage ultimatum. If he loved me, he'd want to marry me or at least tell me the truth and allow me to move on.

After that second ultimatum, things between us were different. I spent the next few months distancing myself. When he called, most of the time, I let it go to voicemail. I returned his calls when I knew he wouldn't be home. If he wanted to go out, I was busy.

I wasn't trying to play games. I just wanted to break away emotionally. It wasn't about him anymore but about me and my needs. I wanted out of a relationship that was unfulfilling. I didn't wait the six months to revisit the issue. When I was ready, I gave him my final ultimatum. This time, it wasn't because I wanted to marry him anymore. It was my opening to a gentle break-up conversation. After five years, I knew he would not agree to marriage. And he didn't.

Today, now that I'm happily married, I realize that the ultimatums were immature. I don't know why I felt I had to play games in order to break up with him. I could have just said I wanted to see other people. Or, I could have just as easily not said anything and dumped him. I wasn't married to him. We didn't have children together. Heck, we didn't even have a piece of paper saying we were roommates. I didn't even owe him a gentle break-up.

My advice to anyone considering giving an ultimatum is to rethink your entire relationship.

Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my e-book, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."