Dear Cheryl, Last summer, I learned I contracted HPV, a sexually transmitted disease. My doctor, knowing that I'd been married for 11 years, told me that it was likely that I had contracted it years ago and that it had been dormant. While I was on the Internet searching for more information on the disease, I discovered that my husband had been online viewing porn.

Going deeper, I saw that he had been conversing with many women online, had signed up for several dating services, and had been viewing nude photographs of a woman he had supposedly gone to college with.

After digging even deeper, I found he had text-messaged a couple of those women on his cell phone. He invited one of them to join him in Miami while he was there on business. Another woman was visiting our city and he asked her what hotel she was staying at.

When I confronted him, he denied everything until it was no longer possible. Then he admitted to it, but assured me it had never gone any further than emails and text messages.

I wanted to save the marriage and I made him go to marital counseling. But after three sessions, he quit, stating we had accomplished all we needed to. He claims he loves me and did all this just to have a little fun since our lives are very busy and stressed.

My question is: how do I know for sure that the behavior didn't go further than cyber sex? What are the odds that he's telling the truth? Not knowing has been very difficult for me. I love him, but don't know whether I can ever trust him again. — AFRAID TO TRUST

Dear AFRAID TO TRUST, Your husband hasn't earned the right to quit therapy. He cheated on you, maybe not physically — and we can't be sure of that — but certainly emotionally. He went way beyond having "a little fun."

At the most, he cheated. At the least, he took time and energy away from you and immersed himself in a fantasy world. And, again, we don't know if it was just fantasy.

He owes you as many visits to a therapist as you need. You'll never trust him if he refuses. And he needs the therapy as much as you do. He needs to figure out why he needed a cyber life. What's lacking in his real life and how can he correct it?

Dear Cheryl, I'm contemplating a relationship with a man I stopped seeing over 20 years ago. Back then, he slept around constantly and even got my brother's girlfriend's sister pregnant. My question is: Can a tiger change his stripes? He claims he has. We're both in our fifties now. Would I be a fool to get involved again? — FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU, FOOL ME TWICE SHAME ON ME

Dear FMOSOYFMTSOM, You'd be a fool not to give him another chance. Go into the relationship with an open mind and an open heart. People can change if they want to. Let's hope he's one of them.

Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my new ebook, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."

Photo credit: Henrik Sandklef