Dear Cheryl: I'm a 44-year-old man, divorced for two years. Last fall I met a woman, also divorced, through my daughter's soccer team. Her daughter also played on the team. The woman's ex-husband coached the team. I'm also involved with coaching and have coached with and against this guy for several years. We're friends and have had a few beers together once or twice.

Over the course of the season, I became quite attracted to this woman. After the season was over, I asked her out and she accepted. We went out a few times and had a great time. On date No. 4, she told me she was uncomfortable with the fact that I was friendly with her ex. She told me that there is some sort of "girl code" that women never date someone who had dated a friend.

Is there a code? — Confused

Dear Confused: I'm confused, too. I'm confused as to why this code only kicked in after date No. 4. If you don't mind that she's the ex-wife of an acquaintance/friend and her ex-husband doesn't seem to mind, I wonder what the real problem is.

I suspect she's lost interest in you or has met someone new and is just feeding you a line. In either case, bow out gracefully. And by the way, there is no code.

Dear Cheryl: I've been single for over three years. Since my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend, I haven't wanted to be in another relationship. I've hooked up with people, but nothing more. Since the breakup, my ex-boyfriend has been doing everything in his power to get me back. I don't think I can ever trust him again, yet I'm not sure I want him completely out of my life.

Meanwhile, there's this other guy with whom I've gone on several dates since the breakup. But every time things start to get good, I back out. Over the years, we've become best friends and have recently started seeing each other again.

I told him I want to take things slowly. I'm not sure I won't back out again. I don't want to hurt him anymore, but I'm not sure I can do the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing, even though it seems like we already are, just without the label.

I know he wants to take our relationship to the next level but is afraid to tell me how he feels because he thinks I might panic and end it again. I kind of want to go to the next level as well. But then I'm afraid I'll change my mind. — Now What?

Dear Now What?: You're never going to be able to go to the next level, or even stay at this level, as long as you're ambivalent about your ex-boyfriend.

Either give your ex another shot or cut him out of your life completely. I don't think you're ready to do that.

So, give your ex-boyfriend another chance. It's a win-win situation. Either he's changed, which is good. Or he's still a skunk, and then you can walk away from him with no regrets or doubts and get on with your life.

And be honest with the new guy. Tell him you still have feelings for your ex-boyfriend and you owe it to yourself to pursue them.

Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my new ebook, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."

Photo credit: Pedro Ribeiro Simões