Q: I have a child who is an excellent student. He does not like to talk very much. My husband and I have not had a great relationship. We've moved a couple of times. But I cannot entirely blame my relationship for his behavior. I worry about our son's self-esteem and my relationship with him.

A: It sounds as if you're concerned your unhappy marriage is causing your son to also be unhappy. Apparently, you're not worried it is affecting his grades or schoolwork, but that it could be causing him to be too quiet, preventing him from having relationships with you and his fellow students.

You are correct that several moves and unhappy parents can certainly feel threatening and worrisome to a child, but you and/or your son's father can do much to ease his pain and help him adjust to these moves.

Separately, each of you can become involved in fun activities with your son. If you can work, play and create some hobbies together, your son will build confidence and bond with both of you. He undoubtedly knows you are having marital problems, so you can reassure him that you and his dad are working on them, and that both of you love him and will continue to be there for him. If you can't say that honestly about your husband, you can at least speak for yourself. When children move a lot, it becomes even more important for interesting activities to be happening at home. Your son is also watching you and your husband. His adjustment to the move will no doubt mirror your adult attitudes and descriptions of moving experiences.

Though you haven't mentioned specifics, your son's surely at least school-age. Extracurricular activities can be very helpful to his making friends easily. Sports, drama, band or anything he's accustomed to can help him feel some continuity between schools. All kids play kickball or other playground games, and if he can join in, he'll have friends soon enough. Boy Scout activities are often also similar in various communities, and Sunday School or religious activities can bring continuity. It's even more important for your son to be healthfully involved because of his moves and the instability of your marriage.

You haven't shared details about your troubled marital relationship. If it is at all possible for you and your husband to get counseling, there is hope of improving your marriage. That would certainly make your son feel more secure. If your husband refuses counseling, you should see a counselor who can help you and your son through these trying times.

For free newsletters about "A United Front, Helping Your Children Cope with Divorce, How to Use Sports to Encourage Achievement," or "The Arts Are Important for Your Children," send a self-addressed, stamped envelope for each newsletter to the address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.