Q: How do you deal with an overly high level of competitiveness/poor sportsmanship? How do you get a child to slow down on classwork and homework?

A: Yes, everyone loves to win, and your son (I'm guessing at the gender) has undoubtedly been successful a lot. He has the flavor of winning and hasn't yet figured out that no one wins all the time. You've probably explained the rules of good sportsmanship multiple times. The key to learning to live with losing is experience with both victory and defeat. The old saying, "Winning builds confidence; losing builds character," sums it up nicely.

Don't just let him win. Don't feel sorry for him when he loses. You've probably reassured him and explained the meaning of good sportsmanship at least a hundred times. No need to keep doing this. It's now best to ignore him or send him to his room to get himself in control. Also, try the following referential talk to a nearby adult within your son's hearing to see if it helps: "I am hoping he'll soon outgrow his poor sportsmanship and mature into a fine, young gentleman. It takes practice."

Your son's fast speed at completing his assignments and homework are part of his competitiveness. He thinks the first one done is the smartest, and sometimes they are.

Almost every mother has heard this teacher comment about a son; sometimes, but rarely, a daughter: "Your son doesn't seem to care about the quality of his work; he just wants to be done." From kids and yes, mostly boys, I hear: "If I do it carefully and neatly, I'll be the last one done, and then I won't get out to recess, and I'll feel dumb. So I rush through my work, put anything down, and put it under the pile, so hopefully the teacher won't see it until after recess."

You probably have told your son multiple times that he would get A's if he's careful. Either he doesn't believe you or doesn't believe in himself. He does want to appear smart to his peers, and he thinks that means fast. If he really can work through those math facts quickly and carefully, he'll be successful, but writing a story or his spelling words are likely to improve with slowing down. I don't have any easy answer, but do tell him the first one done isn't necessarily the smartest and that the quality of his work is what you care about. Maturity will help, although for some boys, it's high school before they finally absorb your message.

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Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.