Q: My 2-year-old has learned that aggressive behavior garners her extra attention at day care. She began biting her playmates about seven months ago. We had hoped that when she moved into the toddler room, the aggression would subside, but it hasn't. In fact, my pediatrician referred my daughter to a child psychologist with whom we've conferred. The psychologist has also spoken with the day care center. The discussions have focused on consistent timeouts for inappropriate behavior and frequent praise for good behavior. While the biting continues, the number of bites has decreased somewhat. My daughter may be replacing biting with other aggressive behaviors, such as hair pulling, which is worse when she is tired or frustrated.

My daughter plays very well on her own at day care. In fact, she's able to focus and entertain herself better than most children in the group. However, most of the kids don't want to play near her because of her aggressive behavior.

The psychologist doesn't believe there are other underlying problems. My daughter is a bright little girl who's been talking clearly in full sentences since 18 months of age. Her behavior appears to be limited to the day care environment. When I use timeouts at home, she shows remorse and her behavior is changed by the time timeout is over. At day care, she doesn't seem to mind the timeouts and repeats the offending behavior. She is an only child, and I am a single parent, as my husband died before our daughter's birth.

Day care is going to try to encourage good behavior through the use of rewards, i.e., stickers for a few minutes of good behavior. They suggest that pulling her out of the group setting would not help and that she needs to learn how to handle herself in it. I'm looking for new ideas to help modify her behavior.

A: Sometimes, an only child who receives a great deal of attention at home becomes so accustomed to that continued positive attention that she feels rejected or unnoticed in a group setting. Your daughter's too young to express her feelings or even understand her anger, so aggression becomes her way of attracting attention.

The psychologist's advice seems to be working effectively, because there's been real improvement. The combination of brief timeouts and a simple sticker reward for good behavior should be helpful. The brief timeouts may be more effective if your daughter is placed behind a curtain or screen so that she can't be seen by the other children.

Since your daughter appears to be very bright and verbal, giving her special opportunities to recite in front of the class, sing a short song or be a special teacher's helper could give her the positive recognition she may crave. Because her father died before her birth, it's unlikely the loss is causing her behavior problems, but your own struggles with grieving may be causing some subtle anxiety for your daughter. You may want to meet with a psychologist to talk about your own adjustment process with attention to how that could be affecting your daughter.

Many children between 18 and 24 months of age go through biting problems. When they can verbalize their feelings to other children and be understood, the biting typically disappears. It's for this reason that preschool teachers frequently encourage little children to use their words.

For more information, you can read my book "Raising Preschoolers" (Three Rivers Press, 1997), and/or read my article "Raising Preschoolers" at www.sylviarimm.com. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.