DEAR SUSAN: Yes, there may be some bemoaning on my part on the "Single File" blog, but some of it has to do with understanding what happens when it's happening. Look, I've followed all the rules, but still nothing happens. I do feel sorry for myself, but what I want are answers, not pity. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: How well I know the feeling of being misunderstood, taken to task for things I did (and didn't) mean. (Ahem.) But let's leave that for another time. Right now, you're asking me to solve the mystery of the missing love partner in your life. You want answers — and deserve nothing less. But the truth is that no one but you yourself has the answers to the questions of your life. They will come from your memories, your relationships, your impressions, your mis-impressions. They are all within, waiting to be discovered. And they can reshape your life by changing your choices. Some will be left by the wayside; others will be affirmed. But with a caring and competent therapist alongside, you will discover the reasons your life isn't giving you the fulfillment you deserve. Finding those reasons and facing them with your therapist/guide/friend beside you is, I promise you, the adventure of a lifetime — like no other. And it will change you; you will be a better friend, a better co-worker, a better person. You'll be more content with your choices, more understanding of your fellow man, kinder to yourself. Right now, phone your physician and ask for the names of three competent therapists. Start finding answers.

DEAR SUSAN: I hope my fellow blogger takes your advice and is very careful when she dumps her no-goodnik; he could go postal and hurt her. His control mania (born of jealousy and insecurity) could turn into his timing her every minute away from home, checking her odometer, isolating her and, probably within six months, beating the tar out of her. He's already trying to get her to quit her job (an exceptionally good one with full pension and all sorts of perks) so he can control the money and her life. She needs to tell him goodbye — immediately — and not quit her job. Nobody who really loves her would ask this of her. Case closed. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: If she learns from this close call, next time she won't spend time dithering about changing her life for anyone. The bottom line? "Nobody who really loves her would ask this of her." In those few words lie a world of experience and a life lesson not to forget. Love, the true sort, doesn't ask its object to sacrifice in its name. Instead, an authentic, nurturing love partner only wants to increase his beloved's goodnesses in any and every possible way. True love wants to add to, not detract from, the life of the beloved. Something to remember, no?

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com.

Photo credit: Michael Coghlan