DEAR SUSAN: I'm 38 and trying to get back into the dating scene. But I found out that my church doesn't have a singles group. So, I joined a car club and haven't met anyone there. And even though I'm not comfortable in bars, I went to a singles meeting at a bar; it was pretty nonthreatening, but the guys weren't in my age group.

What do you think of dating services? I've written out a list of the traits that are important to me, and maybe a service would weed out the men who don't fit my requirements. I've scouted around and found one service in my area that offers four introductions for $75. Your thoughts? — Jenny D., Long Island, New York

DEAR JENNY: Dating services have a bad rap — for good reason. Most of them are experts when it comes to extract fees but aren't very good at anything else. They throw all sorts of non-matches at the client and then hold their breath that one of them actually sticks. Not exactly the way to bring the love of your life into your life, but hey, if you can blow $75 with a smile, by all means sign up. (And let me know what happened, for the next reader who asks about dating services.) This is, after all, the perfect time to try out new things and take (small) risks. If you can satisfy your curiosity for a small fee and are smart enough to expect very little in return, go for it. But after (or instead of) that, I'd like to see you make a major effort to start your own singles group. Your own church may be enthusiastic about the idea and pitch in to work with you in getting the word out. And Jenny, I can't imagine a more nonthreatening environment for mingling — can you? I myself met a wonderful man at a single-again event held by a Unitarian Universalist church. On that Friday night, individuals were assigned to groups of 10 people, each with a leader who guided the conversation. Afterward, wine and cheese were served buffet style, encouraging plenty of eye contact and talk. I may be biased against dating services, but I'm definitely in favor of church settings for meeting people. They seem to bring the best people out, and to bring out the best in people. This option doesn't cost a thing, and you get to do the interviewing. A win-win situation all around, no?

'SINGLE FILE' WORDS TO REMEMBER: The next time you spot an appealing someone and hold yourself back from making the approach, fearful it might be construed as being too forward, remind yourself: Only forward gear can take you where you want to go. Of course, your words and body language must be friendly, not at all aggressive, and the words out of your mouth must be reassuring, but given those caveats, SHIFT INTO FORWARD GEAR. Opportunities don't come along every day, especially romantic ones, so go for it. Enough said.

DEAR SUSAN: My girlfriend loves me too much. She is constantly jealous of anything I do without her. I can't play sports, watch television or even take a shower alone. And she's starting to bore me. Sometimes I start thinking I don't want to see her anymore! I tried to leave her once, to play volleyball with the guys, and she went crazy. What should I do about her? And is there a cure? — Jared H., Tucson, Arizona

DEAR JARED: If that's love, it's a nunnery for me. Your girlfriend's condition is smothering, and it's a far cry from the real thing. She can't stand on her own and needs your reassurance 24/7 to feel secure in the relationship. Nothing could be more boring — and more of a turnoff. The most attractive partner is the one with a full life, who is living a satisfying life on his/her own. That person isn't needy, so when they fall in love their beloved is an addition to their full life, not the be-all and end-all of their existence. Your soon-to-be-former girlfriend needs to learn that lesson. Until she does, a cure is out of the question. One final thought: shoo her off to read my book, "Single File," and ask her to call you when she gets the message.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com. We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks — in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, C/O Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

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