—Men don't like independent women.

—I can't afford to be on my own.

—I'm only happy when a man is in love with me.

—I don't feel like a woman if I'm not with a man.

—I'm not a whole person until I'm a wife.

—If I make single life interesting, I'll never get married.

—Other women will envy me, so I'll have no friends.

—I'll make a mess of my independence.

—I'll have no men to date if I get too busy and successful.

—I'm not the independent type.

—I'm too shy.

—I'll get wrinkles.

Believe me, I know how easy it is to fall into soggy thinking. (Even now I stumble, but at least I know what's happening, which makes it easier to pull myself up.) But I also know that a bit of our gumption dies with each misstep, so it's crucial to monitor one's own level of self-discipline. Yes, patience is important; growing gradually day by day isn't exactly life in the fast lane. And it's true that no matter how carefully a life is constructed, none of us has total control over results. Chance, timing, serendipity — all play a part in the final outcome. But I'm convinced that fortune favors the prepared mind. For good luck to play a significant role in life, there must first be an overall design. It's no coincidence that it rarely visits a life jumbled by indecision and fear. Any questions? I'd love to read them!

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com.