DEAR SUSAN: I've been "dating" a great guy for about a year, but he works far away, and we don't see each other all that often. We talk on the phone and write, of course. There is a chance he'll get transferred closer, but if that doesn't happen soon, I don't know how much longer I can stand this.

I really don't want to end the relationship; I dated others before him, and when we met it was love at first sight. — Poppy L., Long Island, NY

DEAR POPPY: No one's at the door with an eviction notice to leave this good thing. Your man isn't fazed by long-distance love; why are you? Because he doesn't know how deep an effect it's having on you. All the letters and calls between you two still haven't worked through the problem because real communication isn't happening. Without being a whining complainer, make your case for more frequent visits — to and by him. Not just for your sake, but for his. Be the loyal partner who wouldn't consider a substitute for him, a mature woman with enough inner resources to fill her life with other things. In a way, distance is testing both of you. Show your true colors.

DEAR SUSAN: What are the important things to know about a dating service? I'm concerned about letting my fingers do the walking through the phone directory. I'm a single professional (early 30s), never married. I don't find bars a good place to meet the woman I want. And I don't want to join a church group. — Ethan W., Cherry Hill, New Jersey

DEAR ETHAN: You know the meeting places you don't want, but you've left out the ones you would consider. Random meetings work out sometimes — if your life is full and interesting, that is — but there's another strategy with better odds: the two-step solution. First, get clear about the kind of woman you want to meet. (This takes a bit of introspection, interrogating yourself in a quiet place — well worth the time and energy.) Then, the logical next step is to go to the sort of places that would attract her. The simplicity of this strategy is almost radical. It may take a minute or so to grasp its possibilities, but that gives you time to plot out specific places in your vicinity. There's a huge upside to accenting the positives. Just do it.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT. Cardiovascular diseases are the number one cause of death for Americans, with coronary heart disease and stroke killing more than 650,000 of us every year. Many more suffer a heart attack or stroke — and survive.

This country spends more than $30 billion annually on drugs to lower cholesterol and blood pressure, according to the consulting firm IMS Health. But bypass operations, angioplasties and invasive diagnostic tests are not risk-free, and they are not cures. Ironically, the causes of cardiovascular disease are well-known. Risk is determined largely by diet, physical activity and tobacco use. A diet that is low in saturated fat, trans fat, cholesterol and sodium and high in fiber-rich foods lowers the risk dramatically.

That kind of diet is based largely on vegetables, beans, whole grains, fruits, seafood and low-fat animal products, with only occasional servings of cholesterol-raising meats, cheese and other foods. Eat that way and you wrap a protective shield around your heart and arteries. After being with me on the "Single File" journey through single life, you know how much I value your readership and want you with me for many years to come. Eat healthy. Give up cigarettes and junk food because it's not what your body wants. It's not what I want for you, either. This information comes straight from the best nutrition source I know: the Center for Science in the Public Interest. You'd do well to subscribe to their newsletter, Nutrition Action, by logging on to their site, www.cspinet.org, or writing them directly:

Center for Science in the Public Interest

1875 Connecticut Avenue, N.W., Suite 300

Washington, D.C., 20009

Phone: (202) 332-9110

Would I steer you wrong?

SINGLE FILE TIP: What are you doing to put your personal solutions into your life, answers that work for you? Have you a helping network of friends? A family of friends for those holidays that can trigger sadness? It's part of my mission to remind you to build your life today, without waiting for anything or anyone (ahem.) The less needy you are, the more fun life will be — not totally problem-free (whose life is?) but on a relatively smooth path. The point is that self-sufficient singles have the best chances of attracting the real thing. Love, not neediness. (Write in for "The Declaration of Undependence" for a daily dose of Deitz talk. There's no charge, but do send along a stamped, self-addressed envelope.)

RESOURCES FOR THE DISABLED SINGLE PERSON: If you haven't heard about my booklet of Resources for the Disabled Single Person, write in and ask me to send it. It's free, and just might help you or someone you know and care about. Enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope with your letter.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com. We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks — in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, C/O Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

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