DEAR SUSAN: "If you're looking to the other person for validation and acceptance, you're setting yourself up to be hurt." Good point, Susan. I think it's excellent advice in or out of the bedroom! — From the 'Single File' blog

DEAR BLOGGER: The truth is, you've got to be your own best friend. Advocate, yes, buddy, yes, and in the final analysis (the one that matters most), your best support. Booster, fan, choose your word for it. But the point of all the verbiage is that you must be your own support wherever you are. Because if you're not, if you present yourself to the world as unsure and self-doubting, deficient in confidence, the odds of being diminished significantly soar. In and out of the bedroom — in super-sensitive places where vulnerability is the name of the game, you must be sure of your own worth. Make those words part of your DNA.

DEAR SUSAN: "The things you do are the statements you make." A very wise person said that: me. The reason I reject relations with the women available to me is that on some level they frame the relationship as them doing me a favor. What an insult. If they're not equally desirous of me, do me the favor of not doing me the favor — please! In my life, I've had lots of fun with lots of women. And I wouldn't dream of making a permanent commitment to someone who hadn't already proven to be a good sex partner. — From the 'Single File' blog

DEAR BLOGGER: That, my good man, is a personal (very) matter for discussion between you — and you. There persists thinking that virginity must come with the bride. The issue shifts with each new generation that comes of age. Your body is yours alone, personal property. But it is not a free agent, as some believe; tight linkage to the conscious mind keeps it monitored at all times — a good thing, in my opinion. And men are the gender more vulnerable to those inner thoughts. (And more conspicuously affected by them.) If his mental process isn't in sync with his hormones, the event is a nonevent. While women can fake sexual excitement — even orgasm (and some probably do), men's anatomy removes any chance of doing so. Their physiology keeps men sexually honest. Any comments?

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com. We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks — in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, C/O Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

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