DEAR SUSAN: Some of the best dating advice I've heard is that there's no such thing as rejection, only preferences. We all like some things more than others. Some of us prefer plain vanilla ice cream; others would rather have rocky road. If you look at a refusal as someone's preferring something different, the sting of a turndown feels much less harsh. — From the "Single File" blog
DEAR BLOGGER: Well, I'm not sure there's any way to completely forget the hurt of a "no" response; it's not much fun to hear a turndown, no matter how gently it's couched. And refusals are definitely entrenched in the single world. But there is a way to build plenty of emotional support in other areas of your life — in the business world, family ties and warm friendships. And that reservoir of ego strength can be a strong bulwark against the slings and arrows of outrageous (and, for the most part, meaningless) turndowns. They usually come from someone who doesn't know you very well, so to some degree, you can rationalize and intellectualize them away. So, my friend, you can give one deep, heartfelt sigh, square your shoulders and clear your mind for the next challenge life will toss your way. That's my recommendation — coming from life experience — because each time you are on the receiving end and gamely rise again, you're a stronger person. Be proud of that.
DEAR SUSAN: After being with my partner for eight years before our wedding, I certainly wasn't expecting any dramatic change in our relationship. But there absolutely was one! There was a seriousness to our feeling, a deeper connection we still feel after more than two years. Marriage matters if you let it matter. It can be more than a piece of paper, so much more than the governmental rights and benefits that come with it. — From the "Single File" blog
DEAR BLOGGER: Hear! Hear! I know it can sound trite — corny, even — to anyone on the outside of a mutual vow of love. But like all things ephemeral, once you're within its embrace, the world changes. Your worldview alters. You're walking on a different plane. And that shift can forever change a person — not only emotionally but more deeply, on the spirit level. Partners' understanding of their own workings can suddenly deepen. It's as if something within them has been brought to life, animated by devotion deep and exhilarating. Even the legal benefits that follow must fade in comparison.
Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com.
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