Dear John: You have advised some of your readers that in order to find their soul mates, they may need to date a variety of people. I've tried following your advice, but it seems after going out a few times, the women I'm dating start to have relationship expectations, even after I've made it clear I'm just in dating mode and seeing others, too. I'm then forced to end the friendship on an unhappy note. I've learned the hard way that sex complicates matters, so I'm careful to avoid it with women I date. Still, the problem continues. I'm tired of hurting people. Have any ideas? — Haven't Found Her Yet, in Boulder, Colo.

Dear Haven't Found Her: You are certainly doing the right thing by being honest about your intent to date more than one person at a time and keep sex out of the equation until you are ready for a more serious commitment.

Apparently, you impress the women you meet in such a way their intentions and desires get the better of them. But if you are indeed being clear and honest in your representation of the situation, you can't hold yourself accountable for the hopes and wishes of others. The next time you find yourself in this predicament, tell your date that you appreciate her friendship and hope she appreciates yours as well, but that you only want to be friends for now. If this is something that disappoints her, thank her for her feelings, reiterate your preference to stay just friends and leave it at that.

Dear John: I have just gotten out of a relationship and have become somewhat of a flirt. I've noticed guys staring at me a lot but without approaching me. What's going on? — Broken Connections, in Charlotte, N.C.

Dear Broken: You're trying way too hard. This is a turnoff to guys, who, like you, wish to be seen as individuals, not as part of a pack or the flavor of the night. Instead of coming on too strong, don't come on at all. Be subtle and demonstrate an interest in others without inferring you have an agenda. In other words, always let him come to you.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by email at: www.marsvenusliving.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.