Dear John: "Mike" and I have been in a relationship for the past 10 months. We are both in our mid-20s. It started with both of us sharing a two-bedroom, two-bathroom house. Today, we do almost everything together, and over the last several months, we have slept in the same room many nights and had sex. Mike says our relationship is just about sex and nothing more.

On one hand, I am very full of feelings. Sleeping with Mike and cuddling all night feels great, and I want to do this every night. Everyone we know thinks we are a couple, but Mike says we are just best friends and free to date others if we want. I don't want to date anyone else and I haven't for a very long time. What is his hang-up, and how do I break through it? — Ready for the Next Level, in Seattle

Dear Ready: Men are not adverse to what they see as a casual sexual relationship. While there are women who will do the same, it is more common that a woman's emotions will be drawn into desiring a deeper and more meaningful relationship.

I understand that you don't want to lose the physical and emotional warmth of your good friendship, but if you want this relationship to be something more than a sex-only proposition, you should let him know how you feel, or eventually, you will resent the way things are now.

Explain to him that you are looking for a deeper relationship, and then let him know what that would involve from your standpoint. That said, tell Mike that in the future, "just friends" means just that — without the amorous dividend. Be prepared for Mike to want to keep things just the way they are. If this is the case, you should open your life to the possibility of a more complete relationship — with someone else. Moving out may not be priority No. 1 for now, but if you really want a more fulfilling relationship, it's time you give serious thought to moving on.

Dear John: I'm resentful of the changes in my lifestyle after my husband's affair. He is 47, I'm 46, and we've been married for 29 years. In order to win him back, I had to learn to party, smoke, dance, talk dirty and give up practicing my faith. For two years now, I've been learning how to be this person, but I still wish deeply he would evaluate our new lifestyle. My own inclination is to keep up with him, although I still fear that it will lead to another affair, either for me or for him, and then I will walk out. — What Now, in St Paul, Minn.

Dear What Now: I'm afraid you have it all wrong. When you discovered the affair, you should have told him that he was about to lose you. Instead, you changed in order to hold on to him — and in the process, you lost yourself.

Do yourself a favor and seriously consider moving on without him. No man or relationship is worth your conscience, value system, health or emotional well-being.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by email by going to www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.