Dear John: I got engaged a few months ago. "Ken" and I have been dating for over two years. Is it normal to wonder if I am doing the right thing by marrying him, or should I just know and have no doubts? I have a friend who has been dating someone for five years, and she is in the same boat: Neither of us know with absolute certainty that who we are with is "the one." Still, there is nothing bad about these relationships. Both of our fiances treat us well and are supportive and loving. But neither one is our idea of Prince Charming. Is it realism or cynicism that tells me these things are just fairy tales? — Too Picky, in Pittsburg, Calif.

Dear Too Picky: There are four cornerstone traits that make up the foundation of all successful relationships: love, trust, respect and passion. No marriage is a "sure thing." If your current relationship lacks even one of the four cornerstone traits, then follow your instincts and hold off saying "I do." However, if you can say to yourself, "I love him, I trust him, I respect him, and I feel passionate about him," and he has demonstrated to you that he feels the same way in return, then know you are starting out with the right ingredients to enjoy a lifetime of love and mutual support.

Dear John: My boyfriend and I have been dating for five months. We have both been married before and have teen children, all of whom seem to fit together well. He says that he has never been in love, even though he was married for many years and has dated extensively since. Is this something I should be concerned about? He hasn't used the L-word with me yet, and I'm dying to say/hear it. He should say it first in this situation, right? — Just Waiting, in Scottsdale, Ariz.

Dear Just Waiting: It's often difficult for us to accept but there are a lot of people, particularly men, who have a variety of hang-ups around saying those three little words: "I love you." The longer it goes unsaid, the more difficult it often becomes. Should he say it first? No, not necessarily. This isn't a contest to see who blinks first, and the fact that he has difficulty expressing his feelings does not mean you should be suppressing your own. You've been dating for five months, you feel deeply about him, and you should feel comfortable enough to tell him how you feel. In fact, you should tell him every time you want. If anything, hearing you say, "I love you," may allow him to feel comfortable enough to express his feelings, too. For many tongue-tied guys, all that is really needed is a consistent and persistent example of love.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by email by going to www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.