Dear John: I was married three year ago to a man 10 years my senior. He was not allowed to have any friends when he was growing up and still has none to this day.

This has caused a big problem in our relationship. He feels that since I am married now, and we have a child, I should be busy enough and have no time for friends.

He has met three of my friends in the time we have been married. Others have wanted to meet him, but he has always refused. Now my friends don't even call to ask me to go anywhere because I always say "no." I don't feel I should have to give up these outside relationships, especially since I have had these all of these friendships for so long. But I am tired of the argument we have every time he knows I've talked to one of my friends. I have offered to go places so that we can meet new people, but he still insists that we don't need friends. — Missing My Gal Pals, in Jefferson City, Mo.

Dear Missing: All healthy relationships need friendships outside the partnership in order to grow and gain perspective. Your husband is continuing the legacy of abusive control that began during his own childhood. If he does not get the professional help he needs, eventually this difference will tear the two of you apart.

Suggest that he join you for couples counseling. This will give both of you a forum in which to express your feelings and fears on the issue, and to reconcile your differences.

It would be wise for you to start this process as soon as possible. Why? Because, in a few years, your child will begin the process of initiating his or her own social life, and you don't want your husband's legacy of distrust to continue into the next generation and hinder your child's personal growth as well. I know it is difficult to confront tough issues, but for your sake and the sake of your child, you should start down this path now.

Dear John: My wife Marie of 17 years tells me that she feels emotionally tired, that she is now incapable of feeling anything for me or us. Marie says this is because of my negative attitude and our arguing. She says she feels like there is nothing more that can be done and that even if I change my ways, she cannot change her own. I feel there is power in my love for Marie, and that if we work at it, we can begin to improve things in time. I love her very much and realize that I have to work on my attitude toward our relationship. Is it too late? — Very Worried, in Richmond, Va.

Dear Losing Her: I'm guessing that this isn't the first you've heard of Marie's unhappiness. I would love to tell you that your vow to change will have the magical effect of turning her around on this issue, but I can't. If she has heard this before and hung in there, and you then let her down, she may now have reached a point of no return. The only hope you have of salvaging this relationship is to ask her specifically what she feels needs to be changed in the relationship, then again make the commitment to do so, and — here is the most important thing — faithfully follow through. She may request a trial separation during this process. Even if this is the case, you should do everything that is needed to demonstrate that you love her and your desire to save your marriage. When it comes to relationships, the No. 1 rule is always: "Actions speak louder than words."

John Gray is the author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by email by going to www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.