Q: We lost our mother to cancer two years ago. Prior to her passing, our parents were happily living in a retirement community, where they had a wonderful circle of friends. My brother found out that Dad has been dating a widow. She is a family friend, and we like her. He plans to ask her to marry him. However, before he does, he has asked whether we have any objections.

We love her as well and don't have any objections to them being together. However, we know our parents executed a trust to arrange their assets and distributions. We do not have a copy of it, nor do we know the terms and conditions.

Should we open that question to our father now?

A: Yes. It is timely, and both families should be willing to discuss their estates in order to prevent disharmony in the future.

In new relationships, couples' expectations don't always align. It's vital to consider legal issues beforehand. Aside from relatives, your father's will may be complicated by donations to charity, pet provisions or other stipulations.

A new marriage will add another complication. She may have family with the same considerations.

Meet his lawyer and become aware of the details of settling an estate. Make sure to ask who the executors are, as well as what the associated timing, costs and taxes will be. It may also be an appropriate time to discuss her estate plans. Tread lightly and delicately! — Doug

TALK IT OUT

Q: I have always struggled with patience, but it's become more difficult now that my husband has retired. Although we have been married for 35 years, he still has some habits that drive me nuts!

We love each other deeply but often get into little arguments that go nowhere.

What can I do to keep myself from getting so frustrated?

A: Many people resist change, especially as they age, but that doesn't prevent the world from changing around us. With your current attitude, you will continually be frustrated at home, and your marriage will suffer.

You are likely to have the best outcome if you change your perspective and stop focusing on things that upset you.

Before reacting to something upsetting, remind yourself what your goals are. Do you want to fix a problem, or would you rather vent your frustrations? Aim for being rational instead of emotional. Take a deep breath while you think.

Consider what you've done in the past that's worked or not worked. Choose a communication method that's proven effective. Also consider when is the best time to have an honest discussion.

Finally, remind yourself to listen to your husband. Arguments take two people, and you may not understand his perspective on your disagreements. Ask questions to find out where he's coming from. With this information, you can compromise and be forgiving of each other's foibles.

When all else fails, laughter is often a cure-all. — Emma, Doug's granddaughter

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at deardoug@msn.com. Emma, Doug's granddaughter, helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.