Dear Ann Landers: I certainly can understand why some of the women who write to you need an unbiased party to help them avoid the land mines that show up in relationships AFTER they have become deeply involved. I was one of those women myself.

My first husband and I were in our teens when we married and I gave birth to our daughter. "Joey" informed me that his girlfriend was also pregnant and that if she had a boy, we were going to adopt him so he could carry on the family name. I promptly divorced him.

My second serious lover was a married man. That romance lasted for 12 years. He was honest and told me upfront that he would never leave his wife, but he treated my daughter and me with the utmost respect, and I was perfectly content with the arrangement. When this man reached his mid-40s, he suddenly decided one mistress wasn't enough and began an affair with a much younger woman. When I learned about it, I dumped him.

In my early 40s, I met a man who seemed perfect for me, and I fell head over heels in love. We got married, and three months later, the fun began. He demanded sex every which way but straight, and became unbelievably foulmouthed and a world-class collector of dirty "jokes." I soon discovered that he was addicted to porno films and magazines and wanted me to prepare breakfast in the nude. When I refused, he insisted I get counseling to find out what was wrong with me.

I got rid of the weirdo who, by the way, had more money than I thought. Fortunately, I had a very good lawyer, ended up with a nice settlement and bought a great house and a new car. I've never been happier and am enjoying myself.

The moral of my story is this: Never turn sour on life and give up. You never know what's around the next corner. — No Name, No Place, Just Paradise

Dear Paradise: I'm sure you would be the first to admit that you were luckier than you were smart. For a woman who had a talent for picking losers, you certainly landed on your feet. Keep those four-leaf clovers in your pocket, honey.

Dear Ann Landers: This is in response to "Riverside," who was hurt when her fiance refused to let her borrow his car for a "girls only" weekend in Las Vegas. She said she had an excellent driving record and would be extra careful. You replied that some men have a thing about their cars and she should let the matter drop. I'll bet there is more to the story.

Does this woman always park too close to other vehicles just to save a few steps? Do the sides of her car look like they have been peppered by buckshot because of all the parking-lot dings? Does she eat in her car? Does it resemble a garbage can on wheels? Does she smoke in her car? When she travels with her women friends, do they smoke?

I would be willing to bet at least one of these factors is the reason her fiance refused to let her borrow his car for the weekend. And now, to put it another way: Would this woman lend her favorite evening gown to a slob? I certainly doubt it. — Russell in Louisville, Ky.

Dear Russell: I am certain many male readers will agree with you. Most men have a thing about their cars. I'm staying neutral on this one, however, having earlier stated that if the woman's fiance refused to let her borrow his car for a trip through the desert, he must have had a good reason for it.

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ANN LANDERS (R)