Q: I'm a server at a privately owned restaurant in a "yuppie" area, so I like our location and the type of customers we have. The owner has three locations with three different location managers. Our restaurant manager is not from the same type of group as the people in this area. She is uneducated, unintelligent, uninformed, unsophisticated and rude, and she is too stupid to realize any of this. We don't know how such a person got the job. Her management style is to demean the servers in front of customers. She picks on me more than other servers, maybe because she is jealous of me being everything she isn't. If I told her why her actions are bad, she would not be able to connect the cause and effect of how her negative comments are viewed by customers.

For example, several women entered and politely asked for things above and beyond our typical customer. Our manager scolded two of us servers who happened to be near the front, "Don't just stand there. Seat these women." We did not reply, but I quickly did as I was told. However, we are not supposed to seat customers. She is, but she jumps at any chance to be rude. The customer mentioned they were from Beverly Hills. The manager replied, "What's Beverly Hills?" People who overheard her just rolled their eyes. The manager is not on drugs or alcohol, so it's hard to explain just how dense or sarcastic she is.

For obvious reasons, we (the servers) would like to get her fired. She is bad for business, bad for tips, and people leave the restaurant shaking their heads in amazement. Our location brings in business, but we have lots of down time that we think is due to her.

A: Put yourself in the restaurant owner's position. The business exists to build a good reputation and to make money. It doesn't matter how this manager is connected to the owner, whether cousin, high school friend or even daughter; someone exhibiting such rude, and yes, stupid, behavior will eventually run the restaurant into bankruptcy. Once you think like the owner and focus on profit, you will be ready to deal effectively with the situation. List in a memo or in note form the many examples of this manager's verbal and physical abuse, including facial expressions, hand gestures, anything that shows she has no ability to censor her behavior.

You might also consider asking a friend to visit the restaurant and subtly catch on video some of the manager's improper comments made publicly to the staff. Not only is open criticism degrading to the staff, but makes everyone present uncomfortable. People become regular restaurant customers because of good food and pleasant ambiance. Dining serves a break from the daily grind and possible stress at work. When customers have a bad experience with any business, surveys have shown they will pass the bad experiences on more often than good ones. That is where the owner's profits will suffer, and that should be the point of informing him or her.

That doesn't mean you can demand immediate action, but rather take the role of a reporter who is forwarding valuable information to help increase business. Begin with positive customer comments on servers, favorite dishes, and the food in general. No business owner wants to hear only bad news. Then ease into the unfortunate news: "I'm sorry to have to tell you, but I think you'll want to know ..." A sensitive presentation is critical to your success, since the manager may have an owner connection that won't be revealed through your research, and the news may be hurtful even though you deliver it with good intentions.

Use the method the owner uses to communicate important issues with staff. Choose your words carefully and keep emotions out of it. You're a willing, but not gleeful informant.

Email your questions to workplace expert Lindsey Novak at LindseyNovak@yahoo.com and follow her on Twitter @TheLindseyNovak and Facebook at Lindsey.Novak.12. To find out more on Lindsey Novak, visit Creators Syndicate Website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Michael Coghlan