Q: I am a professional woman who works directly for a respected partner in a firm. This partner is obsessive about everything — especially the results she gets when she asks others to research her questions. She doubts the results are accurate, even though she knows the professionals would not have been hired unless they were good. But despite her strict hiring requirements, she has fired a string of employees whose work, personality or whatever she — rationally or irrationally — did not like.

I noticed that even when she accepted the results as solid, she was rude, degrading, questioning and doubting throughout the project. If others compliment someone in front her, she becomes jealous and possessive, not allowing that employee to handle projects for others. Receiving compliments in front of her seems to be the kiss of death, or the proverbial "pink slip." I want to be able to leave with a good reference while she still likes my work, even if she is critical about everything else. I need to prepare to leave, as I know she would be angry and retaliate by stopping me if I tried transferring to another department. How do I leave on a positive note and with a good reference?

A: "A positive reference probably wouldn't happen," says Karen R. Koenig, a psychotherapist and author. "It's hard to do armchair therapy, but the situation doesn't look great. I suggest this employee looks at how the partners look at this partner. The sad thing with this kind of person VDP (very difficult person) is that they know how she is, but they continue the business relationship because she brings in a lot of business.

"Some people feel a need for control, because they are survivors of trauma, abuse or neglect from childhood. When they are in control, they believe that's their best shot at being OK or not being harmed. Many people who are anxious and control-obsessed are generally lovely people, unlike this business partner."

Koenig says that to protect oneself from accepting a job where one must work with such a person, the interviewee should look for symptoms of narcissism. According to the Mayo Clinic staff, there are many symptoms of the narcissistic personality disorder. The behavior you should try to recognize in a job interview and hence know not to accept the job is as follows: The person believes he/she is better than others; exaggerates his/her achievements or talents; expects constant praise and admiration; believes he/she is special and acts accordingly; fails to recognize other people's emotions and feelings; expects others to go long with his/her ideas and plans; takes advantage of others; expresses disdain for those he/she feels are inferior; is jealous of others; thinks others are jealous of him/her; sets unrealistic goals; and appears tough-minded or unemotional but has a fragile self-esteem.

Job searches take a lot of time and energy, but the work doesn't end once you get the interview. This stage in the process is the most important so you do not accept a job or a boss that poorly suits you. Not paying attention to the information, the personality and the interpersonal dynamics you feel in an interview, can lead you into making a poor choice; the wrong choice can lead you into upsetting situations that can affect your health, career and future.

Koenig suggests trying to get references on bosses by getting others who know the person into a conversation that could reveal information to help you make a good decision. Many people withhold feelings and thoughts in their exit interviews when they leave, but in a friendly, nonthreatening talk with someone who has worked for the person, bits of the truth might come out. Also pay attention to what a person doesn't say in an interview. If you think a person seems demanding, imagine the expectations that will follow.

Email your questions to workplace expert Lindsey Novak at LindseyNovak@yahoo.com and follow her on Twitter @I_truly_care. To find out more about Lindsey Novak and to read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Website at www.creators.com.