Q: Imagine having a co-worker who sits next to you copying everything you wear. We are 35+ years old medical professionals who see the same patients. The difference between us is that she comes from a rural area and wants to fit into a more sophisticated background. It's fine with me that she wants to improve herself and feel more comfortable in her work environment. It is not OK that she has started duplicating everything about me. It's irritating and not flattering to have her buy everything I own, down to my sweaters, shoes and haircut from my hairstylist.

What I've done over the past year is to stop sharing details of my things, but she already owns every piece of clothing I have, and we look like twins on most days. I love my job, but her clingy behavior is draining because I have to work with her daily. I've tried to maintain a distance, but she has become clingier. I think her behavior is toxic and intrusive even though I only see her at work.

How do I handle a co-worker who imitates me to this extent?

A: Oscar Wilde wrote, "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness," but this copycat has gone too far. Karen Koenig, a licensed psychotherapist and author, says: "There are a couple of factors to consider before handling this issue. First, look into your coworker's reason for copying your wardrobe, including your hairstyle. You astutely note that due to her growing up in a rural area, she wanted to fit into a more sophisticated milieu, so she is not likely to be a psychopath engaging in stalking-type behavior. Instead, she's probably suffering from heightened insecurity in an unfamiliar environment, along with low self-esteem and self-trust. In seeing you as her guidepost or model for a modern and attractive appearance, she is probably unaware that copying your entire 'look' is unusual and bothersome.

"Second, reflect on why her copycat behavior so greatly upsets you. You may feel she's crossed a boundary from wanting to be like you to wanting to be you. Keep in mind her living and working in a new location is an unfamiliar situation, and some people do not easily adjust to change. Your temperament will, in part, determine how you experience and respond to what she's doing. Some people could laugh it off, while others could become severely anxious."

You have several options in responding to the situation. One is to pay no more attention to your co-worker's copycat behaviors and let it go, though this may leave you feeling unsettled. A second option is to speak with her. Gently and privately ask her why she bought duplicates of everything you've worn to work. This will tell you whether she is aware of her insecurity and desire to feel accepted. She may become uncomfortable or even defensive, so be prepared for this possibility. If she opens up to you, though, you may learn more about her upbringing and reasons for copying you. Generally, when a person admires someone's article of clothing, she may shop to find something similar without buying the exact piece. Her lack of ability to create her own stylish wardrobe may stem from growing up where stores and styles were limited, and dressing up was a luxury, not a necessity.

A third option is to privately talk with other co-workers who may know something about her you don't. As long as you don't allow the conversation to cross over into ridicule and gossip, it can help to hear comments from others who know her.

A final option is to speak with your boss about the situation. This, of course, depends on your boss's ability to be sensitive and to understand your motivation for wanting to report the situation. Explain you do not want to hurt her feelings in any way. For more information on what to do in this predicament, go to the WikiHow article "How to Cope With Someone Copying You."

Email career and life coach: Lindsey@LindseyNovak.com with your workplace problems and issues. Ms. Novak responds to all emails. For more information, visit www.lindseynovak.com, and for past columns, see https://www.creators.com/features/at-work-lindsey-novak.

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