What do successful business people know that you don't know?

They know that no matter how much success one attains in business, getting to the top isn't worth bubkes unless you can make everyone below you feel really miserable.

That's why there are so many CEOs peddling career advice. They want to make sure you know that they know how smart they are and how dumb you are.

A passel of successful executives speak their pieces in "14 executives on the career advice they're thankful they took," a recent Lindsay Tiger joint on The Ladders website.

Luckily for you, and your fragile self-image, we don't have room for all 14, but let me sprinkle a few choice words of advice. No one expects you to start doing things right, but, at least, you'll know exactly what you're doing wrong.

Like, "Don't just be customer-centric, but customer-obsessed."

Many companies ask you to respond a survey after a purchase of their product or after the frantic call for help with their product, which you surely are going to need. That's customer-centric.

To be customer-obsessed, forget the surveys. Hire any well-respected data consolidator in Belarus and find out the home addresses of everyone who calls or emails. After all, if you want to get into a customer's mind, you first need to get into their house.

When you show up at the front door, explain that your company really, really wants to know about their experience. That's why you brought your jam-jams and a toothbrush — so you can live with your customer for a week or three. Assure your customer that you will be no bother, though you do enjoy a crisp croissant and an acai smoothie in the morning.

Trust me, it won't take long before your customer is spilling their guts, giving you the data you need to supercharge your business. And speaking of charging, don't forget to send a bill.

This degree of customer service doesn't come cheap.

"Never get too comfortable" is a piece of advice a successful executive received from her mother.

It was this advice that made her leave a "comfortable" job — working for Baskin Robbins. (Why anyone would leave a job that offers free ice cream is beyond me. Unless, of course, she got a job offer from Ben & Jerry's.)

Mom encouraged her "to keep pushing myself to stay challenged and grow." I'm sure Mom had the best intentions, but I don't agree. The place where you are most comfortable is at the snack machine, and as long as it doesn't run out of Fig Newtons or Abba-Zaba bars, there's absolutely no reason to leave.

Another successful exec advises identifying and then sticking with "the manager that inspired and challenged you to perform to your potential."

Not easy to do. Sure, there are all sorts of managers at your current job, but the best place to find someone who totally grokks your potential is at the nearest saloon.

Head over in the middle of the afternoon and see who's bellying up the bar. Can the person pay for their own drinks? Can they stay sitting on their bar stool without falling off? This is the kind of person you want to be inspired by.

Yes, it's unorthodox, but if your idea of success is spending your afternoons knocking back Corpse Revivers 1, 2 and 3 — and I know it is — it's the only way to go.

One successful CEO whose advice will surely strike you as totally bogus is the executive who simply says, "Stop complaining and get to work."

"I've met people who are smarter or more talented than me," says this newly minted CEO, "but I've never met anyone who can outwork me."

Clearly this hard-working corporate citizen has absolutely nothing to teach you. Anyone can become a success if they work hard. The real goal is to become a success by never doing any work at all.

It's not difficult, either, if you spend all your energy ignoring deadlines, hiding from your manager and blaming other employees for your mistakes. The 14 successful executives won't give away this secret, but take a look at the managers in your company.

Do they work hard? Do they work at all?

Look and learn, my friend. Look and learn.

The final piece of success advice is one you will easily be able to accomplish.

"Surround yourself with people who are smarter than you."

Trust me. For you, it's a piece of cake.

Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company, but he finally wised up and opened Bob Goldman Financial Planning in Sausalito, California. He now works out of Bellingham, Washington. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@bgplanning.com. To find out more about Bob Goldman, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at Creators.com.

Photo credit: at Pixabay