It's time to face the music.

The elevator music, that is, which will soon be ringing in your ears as you climb on board for a fast trip back to reality.

That's right.

In the near future, you may be required to leave the cushy cave that has been your workplace during the really-not-so-bad nightmare of exclusively working from home. And whether you get to your office by elevator or tunnel or submarine, being back at work will end the peace and quiet that have sustained you these past months, bringing you crashing back to the awful realities of the awful office you thought you had escaped forever.

Or will it?

Even as office managers are dusting off desks and sharpening No. 2 pencils, a wide divergence has sprung up within companies. Most managers want workers in the office for five days a week. Most workers want to be in the office for zero days a week.

It's what we call a conflict.

As companies wrestle with the question and workers squirm over the answer, Robert C. Pozen, a senior lecturer, and Alexandra Samuel, a technology researcher, both at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology's Sloan School of Management, have published an article in The New York Times in which they list a series of questions for managers to ask themselves. They call their system "FLOCS": function, location, organization, culture and schedule. Will your manager FLOC you? Let's find out.

No. 1: "What is the function of each team member?"

Does your team do a lot of brainstorming? You have my sympathies, but you will probably have to be in the office to make this work. On the positive side, you will get donuts. Team members who do a lot of "deep, focused work" and "benefit from the relative quiet of home" get no donuts, but they do get naps.

Either way, avoid any questions regarding the nature of your function, like, "What do you do here, anyway?" An honest answer, at home or at the office, will certainly get you fired.

No. 2: "What is the location of each team member?"

Here the authors provide a real "aha moment" for management. "There's no point in making employees report to the nearest office," they write, "if everyone they work with is in another city." This brilliant insight could save you the pain of coming into the office every day if the office is in Houston, Texas, and you live in Nome, Alaska.

(If your manager is stubborn and insists that all employees must come back to the office, you do have a great negotiating point. Agree to come in every day, but demand that your manager pay for your dog team.)

No. 3: "What is the structure of the organization?"

The article reports that "in a comparison of two accounting companies, researchers found that a flatter hierarchy helped facilitate virtual work." This is interesting, but your company has a different hierarchy. It's modeled after the court of King Louis XIV, in which the office is Versailles, you are the humble courtier and your manager is the Sun King. You don't have to enroll at MIT to know that this hierarchy makes it vital for a nobody like yourself to be present at court five days a week — the better to bask in the glorious, royal presence of your manager.

You will probably find this workable, right up to the moment they bring in the guillotine and cut off your head.

No. 4: "What is the culture of the company?"

"Companies that stress 'us' over 'me' have been slower to adopt online collaboration." Your manager stresses "me" over "you," over "them" and over "every idiot who gets in their way." It's a culture that is likely to demand your presence 24/7, so forget about working from home. On the positive side, your manager is probably so consumed with exploring their own wonderfulness that they may not notice whether you are working or not.

In other words, don't send your stuffies to the dry cleaner yet. If you have to come into the office, Mr. Bear can come, too.

No. 5: "What is each team's schedule?"

If team members live in different time zones, managers are advised to schedule a "few common windows for real-time communications like videoconferences." I recommend you volunteer to take on this scheduling task. This way, you can juggle time-zones to choose windows that open at 3 p.m. for you and 2 a.m. for everyone else.

This certainly will be inconvenient for everyone else, but let's be fair: You do need time to feed your dog team.

Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@bgplanning.com. To find out more about Bob Goldman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Free-Photos at Pixabay