I'm Facing a Big Dilemma as I'm About To Learn How To Drive

By Dr. Robert Wallace

December 5, 2023 5 min read

DR. WALLACE: I'm a teenager who's soon going to be old enough to drive a motor vehicle. My father has offered to "teach me" to drive, but to be honest with you, I'm quite hesitant to allow him to do this.

First of all, I've witnessed him being a passenger in one of our family cars when my mother was driving for a time or two for various reasons. He was obnoxious! He alternated between criticizing her and telling her to literally watch out for everything that was in her path. I felt really bad for my mom, but she just stayed silent and drove well despite his endless interjections.

Second, my father is a lousy driver! He speeds too much, weaves more than he should (all while being totally sober) and he tailgates so much that I'm a nervous wreck whenever I'm in the front seat. I learned as a child to aim to take a back seat whenever I could when he was driving.

Now I'm coming of age as a driver and I face this dilemma. If I allow him to teach me, it will be excruciating. If I let someone else teach me, like a favorite uncle, my father will pout and might even give me the silent treatment for shutting him out of "his responsibility."

I don't know what to do, but I know what I don't want to do. Help! — Soon a New Driver, via email

SOON A NEW DRIVER: Would it be possible for you to do some babysitting or a compatible part-time job in your neighborhood so that you could earn a little money on your own? If so, I have an idea for you to consider.

Assuming you can raise the funds, perhaps you could look into signing up for a professional driver's course. There are many fine choices these days, and not only will you be fully updated on all current rules of the road but you'll have a professional stranger guide you, thereby eliminating any jealousy between an uncle of yours and your father, for example.

And better yet, if you can find a friend of your own age who is also about to learn how to drive, the two of you may be able to both work enough to raise the funds and each go to a driving school together. This would also likely soften your father's remorse a bit, too, because he'd likely understand the two of you friends wanted to share a similar experience, which is natural.

MY SON WANTS TO COAST, NOT CHALLENGE HIMSELF

DR. WALLACE: My son wants to take "easy" classes in high school, and I want him to take the more challenging advanced placement classes. His father does not seem to care either way, but I want to push my son since I know he's a good student who can achieve excellent grades, even in the harder classes.

He's a junior now and his high school has two semesters, so this means his classes will reset near the end of January. How can I get my son to enroll in several harder classes? He seems content to just skate by without challenging himself. He does get excellent grades, but I'd like to see him push himself much more. — His Concerned Mother, via email

HIS CONCERNED MOTHER: The way to get your son to possibly enroll in "several" harder classes is to have him start by taking just one during the second semester of his junior year.

Talk with him and suggest this avenue. Hopefully you can convince him to at least give one of these classes a try. But remember that in the end, he's the only one that can put in the work necessary to succeed.

With a little luck he might take you up on your suggestion voluntarily. But if he does not, you and your husband may wish to discuss putting some sort of incentive in front of him should he take and pass one of these harder classes.

If that does not motivate your son, there's likely not much more you can do at this point. Your letter did not mention what college plans, if any, that he has, nor what type of future vocation he wishes to pursue.

Discussing those topics may be the only other way to have him at least consider your suggestions, depending on his future plans superimposed over his present level of academic motivation.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Cory Bouthillette at Unsplash

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