DR. WALLACE: I fantasize a lot about being Justin Bieber's girlfriend, and sometimes I have dreams about him. My older brother thinks I have a serious mental problem, but I'm sure I don't. I know I will never be Justin's girl, but it is still fun to fantasize. That's where anything is possible.
My brother says guys never fantasize and it's just for mushy teenage girls who can't get a date. What do you think? — Nameless, Milwaukee
NAMELESS: Your brother is wrong. Romantic fantasizing is not only normal, but psychologically healthy, according to sociologist Alice Kellogg. "Dreaming about a romance with a famous rock star can help you figure out just what characteristics you're really looking for in a young man," she says.
"A celebrity's image is more charged with glamour and excitement than the boy next door's image," Kellogg explains, "but the actual traits that make a star attractive are traits that can be found in the real people you do know. The star may be an unattainable fantasy, but the personality traits he represents are very real."
A psychological expert agrees that a healthy crush can pay off — if you are able to transfer those feelings of respect and excitement to someone who is actually available. Dr. Lawrence Balter, a professor of educational psychology at New York University, says that celebrity crushes are an excellent way to uncover and express feelings, though he cautions: "Keep in mind that it's a person you're not really, truly intimately involved with. It's like going to a movie, a special place for fantasy."
Balter stresses that celebrity crushes, kept in perspective, are an important part of growing up. "Everybody gets them — and not just in the teen years," the psychologist states.
It's easy to tell if a fantasy is getting out of hand. If it causes you to start losing your appetite, avoid going to parties or even stop spending time with your friends — that is to say, if it becomes more important than your connection to the world in which you actually live — then a reality check is in order. But you seem to be on safe ground. Your Justin Bieber fantasy is fun, not an obsession.
From the very beginning, people have had idols they look up to. First, it's usually your parents, then your teachers, then sports heroes, singers or celebrities. Examining why you feel the way you do is simply a healthy way for anyone to recognize hidden goals and desires.
New York psychotherapist Elizabeth Williams notes that girls don't have a monopoly in the crush department by a long shot. "Boys get crushes, too," She emphasizes.
Most teenage boys usually think they're not supposed to be romantic. They think they're supposed to be into sports, cars, or computers. But they do have crushes, and they do fantasize. And this includes your brother!
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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