DR. WALLACE: Whenever my boyfriend and I get into an argument, he is loud. He acts like I'm hard of hearing. When I ask him why he raises his voice, he says, "I don't know." I think there must be some psychological reason he does this. Do you know why he does this? If we had the answer, maybe we could work on correcting the problem. I'm a person who does not like loud noises. — Nameless, Rock Island, Ill.

NAMELESS: Jack Waddell, a vocal teacher for some of Broadway's biggest stars, says that being loud comes forth when a person is pushing too hard to make a point. Waddell's advice to overcome loudness: "Before talking, visualize that what you are about to say is a secret between you and the person you are with."

This advice sounds like it should work. It's worth a try! Please also read the following letter from "Red Neck." It might give you a few pointers.

I'VE GOT A MEAN TEMPER

DR. WALLACE: I have a very hard time controlling my temper. When something disturbs me, I really get upset. I yell, swear under my breath and stamp my foot. I'm tired of being a "red neck." Instead, I want to chill out and be "mellow yellow." Can you help me? Life is too short to have the nickname "Red Neck." — Red Neck, Newark, N.J.

"RED NECK": Dr. Ben Schwartz, a New York psychologist and an expert on hot tempers, has some suggestions for those who want to cool down their reactions. (And if, for some reason, his advice gets on your nerves, relax, drink a cold glass of water, smile, and read it again.)

—Listen to criticism: Hear out the complaint without interrupting. One, you'll have a better chance to tell your side of the story if you've been a good listener. Two, most criticism has some truth in it. And three, giving criticism is therapeutic from the critic's point of view.

—Show that you've heard: Say something like, "I'm sorry," or, "I didn't mean to," if only to preface further explanation for your behavior. Few things are more infuriating than a casual shrug, a stony silence, or a sullen stare in response to an honest request for an explanation. Using such tactics, you've lost the battle before you've even told your side of the story.

—Learn from your mistakes: You'll be making mistakes all your life. If you're smart, you'll make new ones instead of repeating the same old patterns.

—Watch how others handle criticism: Carefully study the reactions of other people when they're confronted with their errors. You'll be amazed at how few people are inclined to listen to criticism. You'll hear a lot of snappy retorts, cool silences and interminable rationalizations. All this should indicate how difficult it is to handle mistakes well — and how much better off you'll be if you learn to do it.

—When in doubt, take the blame: There are times when it's important, as a matter of principle, to stand your ground on an issue. But in general, if you accept your critic's comments, then proceed to the next issue in your life, not only will you improve your relationship, but you'll also boost your own character a notch or two.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.