DR. WALLACE: I had a great girlfriend who lives about 20 minutes away from me, but we broke up — at her behest — about three weeks ago, to my dismay. We're both 17 and since she's at another school I don't get to see her in person regularly anymore.

This led me to ask another girl, this time a student at my school, out on a date next Saturday evening. She accepted and I've been looking forward to getting to know her a bit better.

Well, guess what? This afternoon my ex-girlfriend called me to invite me to a concert in her town on that same Saturday evening! Of course, I'd love to see her again and go with her to that show, but now my social calendar is double-parked!

I told her I'd have to get back to her about that event, so at least that bought me some time and oddly it kind of helped me by not just jumping up to say yes to her (like I would have had I not already made other plans at that exact same time!)

I've been thinking about this situation for several hours now and I'm still unsure what to do, so I figure there's no harm fishing for your opinion in case it might sway me a bit either way. — I Have My Choice Next Saturday, via email

I HAVE MY CHOICE NEXT SATURDAY: My advice is to use this opportunity to reinforce your personal integrity. Start there and realize that you made your offer to the girl at your school in good faith. In no way should you cancel this date.

She deserves to have you follow through, no matter how well the two of you ultimately mesh together or not. You even mentioned to me that you were looking forward to getting to know her a bit better, so do just that.

Your ex-girlfriend deserves an answer from you soon as well, and I'd suggest you give her an honest answer as this will also be congruent with your integrity. Tell her honestly that you hesitated when she invited you since you had already set up a first date with someone else that same evening. Explain that you feel you should honor that commitment but that you may be open to spending time with her another day if she's interested in doing that.

Notice that I suggest that you use the word "may," since right now you can't guarantee how you will feel about the other girl once you complete your date with her. This is both honest and fair, even if you don't point out why you used the word "may."

As much as you enjoyed spending time with your ex-girlfriend, you know that she ended the relationship, not you. In good faith you made other plans assuming that she had moved on from you. And by being honest with her you will also gain back some leverage with her should the two of you ever date again. She will know that you are just fine on your own and set up other dates easily if things don't work out with her.

I WAS NOT AMUSED BY HIS REACTION

DR. WALLACE: My dad puts his coffee grounds on his plants in the yard and then when he convinced my mom to quit smoking, he immediately took all of her unsmoked cigarettes and chopped them up and put them on our rose bushes!

I told this to several of my friends and some thought it was funny but all right, but others said that the cigarettes would be bad for the plants. I mentioned this to my father and he literally laughed out loud when I brought this up to him.

I thought this was inappropriate and small-minded thinking. Why would he laugh at my admonition to be careful just tossing cigarette tobacco around our garden? - His unamused daughter, via email

HIS UNAMUSED DAUGHTER: Over the years I've read reports that felt unsmoked tobacco is not harmful to plants and some that say it could be less than optimal as compost.

However, I have a different take on your father's actions, one that you're likely not aware of. I believe he was so focused and intent on getting your mother to quit smoking cigarettes that he was more than open to quickly breaking them up and spreading them over the soil on a "one time basis" so that they would not end up in your mother's hand being lit up at any point.

Conversely, his idea regarding his coffee grounds absolutely garners my long-term approval.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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