DR. WALLACE: I have a new boyfriend, and he's seemingly a good fit for me in most areas, except for one that truly sticks in my craw. We've only been together about four weeks, so I understand that I still have a lot to learn about him.
The thing that bothers me is that he often brings up his ex-girlfriend in our private conversations, and worse, he sometimes compares me to her! I was so shocked the first time he made a comparison that I didn't call him out on it. But he made another similar comparison again last night and I was privately fuming. I vowed then and there to think of what I will say to him if he does this again, or better yet, before he does it again.
As I'm in the process of sorting this out I thought I would check in with you to see what advice you may have for me regarding this issue. — I'm Not Amused, via email
I'M NOT AMUSED: This is quite thoughtless on his part, and you are absolutely right to discuss this issue with him. Do not wait for him to make a third comparison. Instead, move ahead with engaging him in a discussion about this matter.
Explain to him how this makes you feel and tell him directly that he is dating you these days, not her. And if he truly cares for you, he will stop engaging in conversations that you find hurtful.
I do feel he deserves a chance to demonstrate to you how much he cares for you and how valuable your current relationship is to him. It's possible that he was simply ignorant, not manipulative, in bringing her up. But if that's the case, he can clean up his act quickly and demonstrate to you how much he values your friendship, camaraderie and affection.
MY MOM IS SUCH A GREAT COOK THAT I STRUGGLE WITH MY WEIGHT!
DR. WALLACE: My mom was born in Europe and is a great cook! She often makes our family some great meals that were once staples for her back in her homeland as a child.
That's the good news! The tougher part of her skills is that I love her cooking, and it causes me to be in a constant battle with my weight even though I'm only 16 years old. I of course don't want to disappoint my mother by not eating her great cooking. Is there any middle ground or possible compromise that might help me? — It's Good News, Tough News, via email
IT'S GOOD NEWS, TOUGH NEWS: The obvious suggestion that jumps out at me is portion control. Do enjoy your mother's wonderful cooking, but do so in smaller portions. Then plan to fill out your plate with healthy vegetables that are steamed or grilled without a heavy sauce. You can also consider asking your mother if you can help out when the meal is being cooked. This may give you ideas on how your portions might include less calories, particularly with side dishes like vegetables and salads.
Also beware of the amount of calories in most desserts and soft drinks. Get in the habit of drinking regular water, unsweetened sparkling water or plain iced tea with nothing added to it. These adjustments can really make a difference as well.
Be sure to exercise and burn off some of your calorie consumption as well! Find an activity you enjoy enough to stick to and get yourself a friend who can become an exercise partner of yours. Not only will you enjoy the camaraderie during your exercise, but by setting a mutual schedule in advance, the two of you will be able to hold each other accountable, thereby ensuring you will stay with your program.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
Photo credit: Callum Hill at Unsplash
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