DR. WALLACE: My grandma recently moved in with my mom and me, and at first everything seemed fine. Granny was pretty quiet and didn't say much for the first month or so.

I'm pretty busy as a junior college student and I also have a part-time job in the service industry. I work hard and help my mom to pay for our food and rent.

Now that Grandma has "settled in" a bit more, her silence has given way to snide comments! At first, I thought she was kidding, but now I know she is not kidding at all but instead is putting my mom and even me down.

She complains about everything my mom and I do and she even called my mom an "unwed mother" who gave birth to a "fatherless child," and that meant me! My mom told me the other day that she does not want to "talk back" to her mother, but this in my opinion would not be anything close to "talking back"! I feel Grandma needs to learn some ground rules for living in our home. Just because her husband passed away recently does not give her the right to be mean to my mom and me, right? What do you think about all of this? — A Frustrated Granddaughter, via email

A FRUSTRATED GRANDDAUGHTER: Your assessment is 100% correct. Your grandmother is a guest in your home and she should do her best to promote harmony or at the very least remain a neutral presence in your domicile.

A mild intervention is needed. If your mom won't do it, I suggest that you do so in a gentle way at first. Don't be accusatory; instead ask grandma how she's feeling these days and if she needs any kind of medical assistance or special arrangements for her daily life. It could be that she's lashing out due to some issue you are presently unaware of.

However, in lieu of any underlying issue, feel free to tell your grandmother that you are proud of your mother and yourself and that you would appreciate it if she would notice that or at least omit any disparaging comments. Tell her that you would never do that to her and that you expect her to treat her family like the loving family you are. After all, you've taken her in and given her a home so that she won't be alone these days.

Sometimes a wake-up call can do wonders. Grandma might be the type of person who was not often challenged over the years. Once she is challenged, especially for good reason, chances are she will back down gracefully or at least silently.

DR. WALLACE: I'm a straight-laced 19-year-old woman, and my current boyfriend is a generally good guy, but lately I feel he's abusing some kind of substance or another. I confronted him about this and why I feel the way I do about this issue. His behavior is off and this is the only explanation I feel makes sense.

He has continued to deny this to me vigorously. He even told me that he's shocked I would make any accusations regarding him at all. So without any direct evidence, I stopped hounding him on this matter. Yet his behavior has gotten increasingly more erratic as time has gone by.

Then last week, he left his jacket in my car after we went to the movies one night. The next day, I noticed it on the floor of the back seat and as I lifted it up a hash pipe fell out! I smelled it and it stunk! There was a lot of some sort of sticky resin substance in the bowl of this contraption.

I confronted him about this and, unsurprisingly, he told me that his friend had asked him to hold it, since that friend's girlfriend was walking across a parking lot to see him and the friend didn't want to get caught with it! So now I'm left with the classic "I was just holding it for a friend, it isn't mine" excuse.

Do I give him another chance or simply cut my losses and move on? — Not Into Drugs in Any Way, via email

NOT INTO DRUGS IN ANY WAY: I vote for cutting your losses at this point. The facts are that you've noticed an egregious change in behavior he has continued to deny and then he has been caught with paraphernalia (and likely illegal substances) in his possession.

His excuse, given the context of your overall experiences, does not hold water with me. I feel you'd be better to move on and see a new relationship that you are more comfortable with, and one that you feel does not include overtones of substance abuse.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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