DR. WALLACE: I'm 19, and I have a full-time job, but I still live at home with my single mother. I pay her rent and help her pay the household bills because she doesn't have a lot of money coming in, and I even bring in some groceries every other week when I get paid. There's just the two of us in our home.

Two years ago, I was dating a guy I cared for, but for some reason, my mother didn't seem to like him much at all. When I look back on it, one of the reasons she didn't like him was that he had long hair and a shaggy beard. He also usually wore cowboy-style work boots and a leather jacket. Instead of a hat on top of this, he wore a kerchief tied around his forehead. And, unfortunately, he left town because he had a complicated run-in with his employer and the police, and they told them if he would resign and leave town, they wouldn't press charges against him. So, he left and went back to North Carolina to live, over 1,000 miles away, which is where he came from before he moved to our state.

Then, a month ago, he came by my work, and I couldn't believe my eyes! He was clean-cut, had no beard, was wearing nice clothes and brought me lunch. Since then, I've seen him three times, and I've discovered that I still like him. And to be honest, I like the clean-cut version of him even more. He was much calmer, and he told me about several positive, more responsible changes he has made in his life.

Of course, my mother is not aware that I am seeing him again. Since I'm 19, I know I don't need her permission to date him, but in the back of my mind, I know that I truly don't want to upset her. Should I continue seeing him without telling my mom, or should I tell her and let her get upset now to get it over with? — Sneaky Daughter, via email

SNEAKY DAUGHTER: Yes, tell your mom right away that he has returned and that she will be surprised when she sees him, because he has a new look and a new attitude.

Go out for coffee with the two of them so she can see him for herself. It's better you inform your mom about him than for her to hear it from someone else.

In fact, you can tell your mother that your first thought was to hide this development from her but that you love and respect her way too much to ever deceive her about anything this personal. I trust your mother will appreciate your honesty and will at least give him a fair opportunity to make a second impression.

MY PARENTS NEVER DATED ONCE!

DR. WALLACE: I'm in the ninth grade, and like most girls, I'm very interested in boys who are within a year of my age. My parents told me I'm not allowed to date until after I graduate high school, and that's a long, long time away. The reason my parents give me is that time spent dating and "chasing boys," as they put it, will affect my grades. I feel this is absolutely, positively ridiculous. I am a superb student, and I happen to get straight As. Even if I were to date a bit here and there, I care too much about my future to let my grades slip.

My parents come from a culture where marriages are planned by the parents. They never dated even once before they got engaged! I could understand if they were to keep me dateless until I am 16, but for me to wait after I graduate high school sounds way too restrictive, and it puts me out of step with every single one of my close girlfriends, who will be allowed to date once they turn 16. For the record, we are all 15, and they are all excellent students and very responsible young ladies in their own right.

Please give me your thoughts on this topic just in case I can get my parents to read this column. If your advice is, as I suspect it will be, favorable to my position, I'll diplomatically reveal it to them and let them know I was the person who sent in the question. — Feeling Too Restricted, via email

FEELING TOO RESTRICTED: My advice may help you — eventually. However, I advise that you don't force the issue just yet. In a year, your mother and father could have different thoughts on dating. When you reach age 16, ask them again in the most favorable way at the most favorable time you feel may yield the result you seek.

If that does not work, then enlist the help of a trusted teacher or counselor to intercede on your behalf. If your parents are still resistant, perhaps ask them to allow you to have a cookout in your backyard to which you could invite a date along with a few of your responsible girlfriends and their dates. This would give your parents a real-time look at the situation, and it might prove favorable for you going forward.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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