DR. WALLACE: I'm in a most unusual situation. My parents divorced five years ago, when I was nine. My mother moved to Germany, where she was born, and my dad gained full custody of me. A year later, my dad remarried and I gained a new stepmother. I really liked her, so my stepmother talked my dad into letting her legally adopt me. Then, if something happened to my dad, she would have full legal custody of me, and my birth mother could not enter the picture.

Well, now it turns out that my dad and my stepmother are getting a divorce! I want to stay with my stepmother, and she wants me. My dad said that it would be my choice and that I'm old enough, at 14, to make a good decision. He said that he hoped I'd go with him, but if not, he would still play a big role in my life. I've decided I'm going to stay with my stepmother. She was more of a mother to me than my birth mother.

Now comes my problem. All of my relatives, including my grandparents, are very upset that I'm not choosing my dad. My grandmother has told me that I am an "ungrateful brat" for abandoning my dad after all that he has done for me. My aunt said that if I stayed with my stepmother, it would cost my dad a lot of social embarrassment. Please give me your thoughts on my dilemma. I don't want to hurt anyone, especially my dad, but he works really long hours, and I'd be alone a lot if I lived in his house. My stepmother has a much more regular schedule, and she truly loves me and cares for me just as if we were related by blood. My dad loves me, too, but my stepmom really relates to me well, especially at my present age. I'm growing up fast, and so much is changing in my life and with my body; I feel super comfortable with her. What do you feel is the right thing for me to do? — Torn Between Two Parents, via email

TORN BETWEEN TWO PARENTS: It's your life, and you've been given the chance to choose. You have selected your stepmother for solid reasons, in my opinion. Stay with her, and keep your father as an important part of your life. Be sure to interact with your other relatives as well; don't become a stranger to them!

A STICKY AND DANGEROUS SITUATION

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 17-year-old girl, and I need you to respond to my letter. For four months, I have had a wonderful relationship with my 18-year-old boyfriend — until he started becoming violent and hitting me. He didn't hit or slap my face, but he would punch my arm hard enough to make it bruise, and he would shove me with full force, using both of his hands.

I decided a long time ago that I would never allow myself to be in an abusive relationship, so I stopped going out with him over this. He then got upset and threatened me over the phone. He did everything in his power to sweet talk me back, but I disregarded his every attempt. After I broke up with him, I soon discovered that he had abused a former girlfriend. I called her to confirm it, and it was heartbreaking to hear her story. So I've felt that I made the right decision.

Then, about three days after I left him, he started following me everywhere I went. Finally, I went to the police and told them what was happening. They picked him up and told him to stay away from me. Two days later, they arrested him for stalking me, and he was held in detention for two days. Next time he does this, I understand he will be locked up much longer.

What's really weird is that my mother actually likes this guy and talks to him over the phone about twice a week! I was stunned when I heard this from her. He has my mother convinced that he wasn't stalking me, and he was just trying to "talk some sense" into me. Last night, my mom asked me if I thought I had an innocent boy arrested. Did I do the right thing? — No Longer Interested, Tampa, Florida

NO LONGER INTERESTED: You were 100% correct in your actions! Your mother is terribly misguided and needs to talk with a trusted adult friend who can enlighten her regarding her error. She is enabling this young man, and this could become very dangerous at some point for you — or your mother.

Your mother should be commending you for your appropriate action, and she should not be talking to this guy under any circumstances. Do everything you can to have her read my response here. I also suggest you mention this situation to an adult relative, a trusted teacher or a counselor. And if necessary, don't hesitate to inform your local police that this young man is still trying to reach you against your wishes. If you go this route, tell the whole truth, including your mother's conversations. She will not be in any trouble, but the authorities will then be able to understand what he is doing, and they can take appropriate actions from there.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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