DR. WALLACE: I want to help my best friend, but I don't know what to do. My friend and I are both 16 and have been friends for more than five years. We tell each other all of our deep, dark secrets. In the past six months, she has had four boyfriends and has had sex with all of them. This is surprising because she was a virgin until she dated boyfriend No. 1. I asked her why she was so promiscuous, and she said she didn't know but that she was not proud of her record. Why is she so sexually active and what can I do to help her change her ways? — Helpful Friend, Gary, Indiana
HELPFUL FRIEND: Those who are sexually active with a number of different partners almost always have extremely low self-esteem. These teens are trying to gain acceptance or become popular by giving of themselves freely and often.
Talk honestly with her in a nonjudgmental way and try to uncover the reason she may have low self-esteem. Then, together, work on improving how she feels about herself. Make sure she knows that you care about her very much and that she can go to you anytime she needs advice, or even a few words of encouragement.
I HOPE DAD RECONSIDERS
DR. WALLACE: I'm an average teenager. I get above-average grades and do my share of work around the house. I don't have specific chores, but I help my mother and father whenever they need it. I am an only child, and, luckily, our family doesn't have any serious communication problems.
Everything at home was running smoothly — no real teen-parent problems. Then, my dad read some article in a magazine written by a so-called expert on teen behavior advising parents to have a weekly "points" schedule. A teen must earn 25 points from Saturday morning to the following Sunday morning, and if the teen fails to reach the magic number, he or she is punished according to the gap in earned credits. I agreed to go on this ludicrous "point system" only after a rather heated argument, which my father won, of course.
The first week, I earned 20 points. Because I was at minus 5 for the week, I had my allowance cut from $20 to $10. The second week, I earned 21 points, which meant I had a 10 p.m. curfew on Saturday night. That one hurt, because I had a big date planned with my girlfriend. Her older sister got married that day and the reception, which started at 6:30 p.m., continued until midnight. But I had to leave at 9:45 p.m. to be home on time. (My girlfriend stayed). If I had been late, I would have had 10 points deducted from the next week's total. Things used to be great at home, but now I'm a very unhappy camper. What gives with this points stuff? Have you ever heard of it, and do you condone it? — Anonymous, Milwaukee
ANONYMOUS: Family rules are necessary to maintain harmony and teach young people responsibility. Since the original rules seemed to be working perfectly well in your household, I see no reason why your father would feel motivated to change them. You have a legitimate reason to be upset. I hope he reconsiders his punitive scoring system after you show him my response. Also, here's a suggestion: Do a few "extra-credit" things around the house or yard that you don't even mention to him at the time they are done. Let him "score" you as usual and then ask him if he was aware of your helpful actions when he added up your score. Then don't request additional points, but simply request that you return to the former system that you (and I) believe was working just fine.
SHOULD I VISIT A CHIROPRACTOR?
DR. WALLACE: My older sister is very athletic. She is into yoga and aerobic exercises. I'm not overweight, and I play junior varsity basketball at my high school, so I'm in pretty good physical shape. My sister can touch the palms of her hands on the floor without bending her knees. Since I can't even touch my fingers to the floor without bending my knees, my sister insists that I've got a back problem and should contact a chiropractor. I've talked to a lot of my friends and they can't touch their palms to the floor either. Do we all have a problem? Or is my big sister just a very uniquely limber young lady? — Younger Sister, via email
YOUNGER SIS: Your sister is indeed a very limber young lady, and your friends and you are the majority. After considering your question, I conducted an unscientific survey of my family's teens and their various local friends. Of the 12 teens I tested, only one could touch her palms to the floor without bending her knees. The other 11 were not really close to matching the most limber one.
Oh, yes, two more people took my "test": I couldn't touch the floor with my palms, and neither could my wife. We are quite far from being teens, and our palms were also far from the floor!
DR. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
View Comments